I Think I Know What To Do

I still have the rest of the day to make sure of this decision, but I don’t think I’m turning in the lyrics.  I’m not going to be the reason that Ryan pulls out of this.

I think what I will do is go talk to Rev. K. and let him know exactly what I think of all this.  That it’s despicable that anyone would be offended by what I sang last year and it’s reprehensible that I didn’t find this out until yesterday and not only that, but Ryan, RYAN!, was the one telling Rev. K. to be honest with me!  I mean, seriously, I didn’t think that that church could sink low enough where the pastor wouldn’t be honest with people!

I don’t know.  This entire situation shouldn’t even be happening.  I mean, I’m willing to bet most of the people don’t even remember what I sang last year!  It just pisses me off.

::Sighs::  I’ll write more tonight when I get back from work.

Well, I made my decision.  I didn’t turn in the lyrics and I realized something the more I thought today.  I spent most of my growing up life pretending that I wasn’t hurt by things people said.  Pretending that everyone who insulted me wasn’t affecting me at all.  Faking smile after smile when all I wantedto do was cry, or scream, or whatever.

I’m through faking things.  It’s dishonesty, plain and simple.  Faking things is a great way to prove that you’re not happy with yourself but that you’re okay with deluding yourself and everyone around you.  Frankly, it’s a dispicable way to live.  But I’ll write on that another time.

Anyway, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I couldn’t get up there and pretend I was having a good time.  I couldn’t get up there and have fun singing, knowing what I know.  So I made the decision to pull out of my two songs.  I knew I was gonna stop over at Ryan’s tonight and figured I would tell him that if he still wanted to sing Two Of Us, I would sing it with him, but that’d be it.

I did stop over at Ryan’s, later than I wanted to.  I told him about my decision and that I do intend to write a letter to Rev. K., telling him exactly what I think of all this.  He agreed with my decision.

It still sucks, though.  I mean, bloody freakin’ Hell!  I hate this.  I absolutely hate it.  I think people are stupid, and honestly, the more experiences I got through at the hands of that church, the more I believe that the number of "Christians" in this world are stifling out any real ones there may be.

Stupid, fake, hypocritical "Christians!"

So I’m not confusing anyone, I’ll define what I mean by "Christian."  First, it’s in quotes because they aren’t people who believe in God.  They’re the people who’s motto should be, "God is with me because I’m right."  They’re the kind of people who hate Harry Potter and won’t come near the books or movies because they’re about a wizard.  They’re the kind of small-minded morons who think that Dungeons and Dragons is a cultist game and won’t listen to a word of the contrary, because ‘of course!  How can that cult game be anything else, for I say it is evil!"

I mean, Hell, did you know that ev. K. didn’;t even allow his daughter, (who’s about the same age as me,) to watch the Wizard of Oz?  She didn’t see the movie until someone else in the Youth roup showed it to her at his house when she was sixteen!  I mean, what?  Is God so weak and his influence is so pathetic that Rev. K. thinks his own daughter can’t tell the difference between reality and fantasy?  Real and make-believe?  Honestly, it’s pathetic.

Frankly, if I could, I would love to get up there and sing the Wizard and I.  Stupid hypocritical morons, afraid of something someone made up for a story book years ago.

Oh, well.  There’s one good thing that came out of all of this.  Last year is now the final year I will perform in the Strawberry Festival.  And, to whoever the idiots were who found something offensive, I went out with a streak of defiance.  Which suits me just fine.

I’ll probably post the letter I’m gonna send to him in here at a later point.  If ou wanna give opinions or whatever, please do.