What Is Normalcy?

My Mood:   — Blank, More Or Less

I don’t what I’m thinking.  I hate that feeling of wanting to write but not believing anything’ll come of it.

Wait.  I know what I’m thinking.  What is normalcy?

Everyone has their own idea of what normal consists of.  Or maybe it’s just the general masses that never contemplate anything worthwhile who have that mindset.  Because no one I know, or am friends with to any degree is “normal.”  They all have little tics, or consider themselves weird, or crazy, or whatever.

I knew from the time I was i elementary school that I wasn’t what everyone considered to be normal.  I remember in preschool, walking around on the playground, seeing everyone else with someone to play with, and there being no room for me.  I remember . . .  When I was in second grade, a psychological evaluation was done on me for some reason.  And I read what they wrote about me, years later.  Some of the things they just automatically assumed about me.  Like, there was mention of me being asked to read one thing aloud and I started reading something else.  I was asked again to read what the ‘teacher’ wanted me to, so I did, but then I went back and started reading the first one again.  In the evaluation, it was said that I had problems obeying authority or that I lacked the self-discipline to listen to my elders.  Some such thing like that.  I vaguely recall that reading thing, however.  And you know what it actually was?  I’ve been a big reader since I learned how to read.  The first paragraph that I started reading caught my eye for some reason and it interested me!  To Hell with “authority problems” and all that.  What was written was interesting to me!

But that evaluation also said that if I continued the way I was, I would have trouble bonding with others, forming lasting relationships, etc.  And I sometimes fall back on those words and wonder . . . were they right?  Did they really see what was in my future, how my personality was going to shape up?  Or was in a combination of my own survival instinct in what my world became, coupled with how my parents raised me, and how I was treated by other kids?

I know one of the faults I’m most called out for is being judgmental.  But is it really judgmental to be wary of a person because intuition tells you to be?  Most people would say yes.  Yet, is it also judgemental to trust someone immediately because your intuition says they’re worth it?

I’ve figured out that there are three kinds of character judgement in the world.  And everyone, to whatever degree, uses these three kinds of judgement.  The first is the instantaneous judgement.  This can be made simply by what you hear or read or see of a person.  Example: “Oh, yeah, he’s funny.  He’ll keep you in stitches all night.”  Automatically, instant judgement says that the person being talked about is a funny man.  So the one who’s hearing about him will expect him to be funny when meeting face to face.

Now, this kind of judgement is always iffy.  It can definitely be correct, but for most people most of the time, it’s a toss of a coin.  I feel that someone can say that they do/don’t like what they’ve heard, seen, or read, but that for it to be an accurate judgement, facts need to be gotten.  The person has the right to what he/she thinks, but to say to someone, “You know what?  I do/don’t like so and so because . . .” is somewhat unfair because there aren’t any facts.  Just a feeling.

The second one is the initial judgement.  The first impression, shall we say.  Basically, your take of a person when you meet them face to face.  If they are funny, or if they rub you the wrong way, or if they exude a feeling of trustworthiness, etc.  They say that first impressions are the most important, but I don’t know if I believe that’s true.  The person can be having an off day when you meet them and not act like him/herself, so if you judge that and expect them to be that way all the time, you’ll be surprised, either for better or for worse.

Again, this judgement is iffy.  It’s more accurate, because now you’re meeting the person and talking to them in person, and that always makes for a better handhold to get a sense of who they are.  I do believe i this case, someone can say, with at least some evidence, “I do/don’t like this person because . . .”  Because while they might not know if the person is having an off day, they’ve met them and gotten at least some sense of that person’s general behavior or who they are/can be.

The third is the lasting judgement.  This kind comes when you’ve known a person, sometimes for years, and you know a good deal about them.  In this case, you either do know that much about them, you’re blinded by who you think they are, or in some ways you’re actually holding that person back because of how you perceive them to be.

Once you’ve gotten to know a person “well enough,” it’s so easy to hear them say something and to either think or say, “Nah, you’ll never do that,” or, “Yeah, you definitely will.”  Of course, the former is the more damaging because if you’re proven right, there’s the entire “I told you so,” thing.

Which means that I’ve actually come full circle in a weird, twisted way . . .  Did what those psychologists write in that evaluation effect my life?  Did they see it and make it come true simply because my parents believed it to be right whether they admitted it or not?  Did they treat me ever so slightly different because of what was written in those pages?

I mean, I had a 117 IQ when I was seven years old.  That’s pretty high as far as I understand it.  But if it’s high, if it’s supposed to be a measure of intelligence, then why did I alwasy feel so stupid in those classes?  Why did I know I’d be eaten alive in some of the honors classes I’d hear about friends of mine taking?  Why do i still not feel smart enough to survive in college classes?

Was that judgement made on me back then unfair?  Did it dictate where I would go in life?  Why did I become so judgemental?

Well, I think I did, because in a lot of cases, I honestly feel I’m right.  I don’t mean to sound arrogant there, but it’s the truth.  I mean, I can name about six people who I pinned correctly as far as their personalities went.  Okay, five, because one I’m not definitely sure of.  I bet I’m right, but I don’t know for sure.  I have extremely good intuition, it seems.  And I can get a feel for a person just by hearing about them, or talking to them a couple times, etc.  I know, I said it myself that that’s a very iffy way to go about who I would value as whatever.  But even with the iffi-ness of it, I trust what I feel.

I have learned that I can’t make other people believe me that someone is a certain way just because I have a feeling they are, but I wish . . . I wish it was taken more seriously.  I wish I wasn’t imediately brushed aside, and told, “You don’t know them, so you can’t judge.”  I admt, I’m guilty of it, too

, at least back during my junior year.  I didn’t want to hear anything bad against Will because all anyone could hand me was rumors.  Yet, if I had opened my eyes and really looked at things, I’d’ve realized that everyone was right about him.

I think in our own ways, everyone is as judgemental as we say someone else is.  Because no one wants to be judged, yet we make assumptions about the ones who do tell us if something doesn;t feel right about someone else.

I’ve gotta go to work, but I’ll write more on this later.