Where Are You, Christmas?

Where Are You,
Christmas?

Where are you Christmas?
Why can’t I find you?
Why have you gone away?
Where is the laughter
you used to bring me?
Why can’t I hear music play?

My world is changing
I’m rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes, too?

Where are you Christmas?
Do you remember
the one you used to know?
I’m not the same one
See what the time’s done
Is that why you have let me go?

Christmas is here everywhere, oh
Christmas is here if you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas
I know I’ve found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here in silence
Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas?
Fills your heart with love

I don’t think this has ever happened before.  I’m semi-sick of hearing Christmas songs, and I’m definitely not looking forward to going back to the mall to do Christmas shopping.  I don’t want to say that I’m not in the spirit, because I’m still singing along with a good eal of the songs on the radio at work, but . . . I don’t know.  Something’s missing.

Maybe it’s because this is the first Christmas since I was a kid that Scratchy isn’t here.  I remember, it might have been the first Christmas after we got her, but I was up at Nana’s for whatever reason, and my parents, when they came to get me, brought Scratchy with them, and put a collar on her, with curly red ribbons on it.  She was so cute . . .

Or maybe it’s because this is the first Christmas since Rusty died.  Having a death anniversary five days before Christmas sucks, even though some people may say, “It’s only a cat.”  Rusty wasn’t only a cat.  He was the most adorable little kitten I’ve ever seen.

Then again, it could be that the weather is that of what I’d expect from mid-October, not December 1st.  By now, it should be freezing.  I should be able to wear something besides a fall jacket.  I should be wearing my trench coat, or at least a thicker jacket.  Instead, it really doesn’t feel like it’s much past the start of October.

 . . . Or it could be the fact that Jason isn’t here.  That I’m not talking to him as things stand right now.  It’s still so strange to say that . . .

I don’t know.  I’m usually feeling so festive and eagerly awaiting the holidays by now.  And I’m saying that I can’t wait till Christmas, but I’m not feeling it anywhere near as much as I normally do.  Maybe I’ll feel better after I get my little tree up in my room.  Or once I see those lights up around the window in the house acros the street.  Or even once I go caroling.  That’s gonna be later on in December, but it’s better than nothing.

I do have Christmas on my mind, and want to be happier, but . . .  I don’t know.  here’s too many depressing factors right now.

Where are you, Christmas?