::Sighs:: I Know, I Haven’t Written A Real Entry

–in a bit.

I just haven’t been in the mood, because all of my thoughts have been bent on Jason, or Mike. And neither is a subject that needs space in this diary right now. One I will not write about due to a promise, the other I will not write about because . . . It’s too weird.

I think I’ve realized why life sometimes parallels soap operas. At least, my life. Because of their own perceptions, as well as mine, I’m constantly clashing with others emotions, and either manipulating or being manipulated to the fullest range of feeling that I have. God . . . If this goes on much longer . . . What will a kiss become to me? A hug? When will a “hello, how you doing?” seem suspicious to me?

Ooo, I need your love, babe.
Guess you know it’s true.
Hope you need my love babe,
just like I need you.

Eight Days A Week. And that’s how long . . . How do I get myself into these things? My head and my heart . . . They’re conflicting. I mean, every single bit of knowledge that I have about all this tells me that I have to think things through logically. My head already tells me I’m correct on what I think, and I’m speculating more and more the more I think about all of it. But I . . . can’t convince my heart.

::Sighs:: I’m as big a fool now as I was my junior year with everything with Will. Okay, maybe not quite as big. Because at least this time, I’m aware of the fact that I’m a fool, and have a plan of action to counter it. Three years ago, I told Dan that the situation was black and white. I thoroughly see now why he insisted it wasn’t. But when it’s broken down to it’s simplest components, it’s still black and white. And it’s a simple fact that if I sit back now, insisting that a decision is too hard to make, I’ll be a hypocrite of the highest caliber. And I am no hypocrite. ::Deep sigh:: Therefore, no matter what the outcome, I’ll do what I have to do. I’ve imagined the worst. It’s about time I imagined the best. But then again, my imagination’s not quite that good . . .