I Understand, But At The Expense Of What?

I didn’t think I’d understand
what he always tried explaining.
I didn’t see how it could be
something to leave me so jaded.

At what expense do I understand
the relation between siblings?
At what expense do I understand
a relation I don’t have?

I look at him now,
and aren’t sure what I see…
Some statements he’s made
now come to light so clear.

“Some best friend I turned out to be,”
he’s so often said to me.
And I wonder how I feel about
that now, after what I know.

How do you look into a pair of eyes
and know that they lied to you?
How can I look into his eyes,
and know what they hid?

I know why he wanted to hide…
I get why he didn’t say.
That doesn’t stop the pain,
but I suppose it gives a reason.

“Yet, hope remains,
while the company is true.”
And true he is, because
Jason, despite it all, I love you.

I suppose this was one of those things that . . . not a lot can be said on. But, I needed to get this out in some way. And just need to say that Jason? You helped me understand. For that, I thank you. I hate the circumstances that I understand this by, but I’m glad I do. You’re still my best friend, and at least . . . I know I’m still yours.

–Notes–

Kate, I’m not sure what to make of all this. Just explain one thing. Is the relationship between you and Jason going to change? And more importantly, are you…all right? [Jill*Rose]
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So if you don’t wanna tell anyone about it, why are you even cryptically mentioning it here? I’m cool w/that, though. SO long as he ain’t dead and you’re not pissin’ your pants worrying anymore. [HyacatDuncan]
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Btw, I’ll be gone for awhile so don’t bother noting me. If you see me on in AIM, don’t IM me, please. I’m only on it to consult on research with a few aquaintances. I’ll give you a note or a call when I’m availabe again. k? [HyacatDuncan]