*Grunt* Pokemon! *grunt, grunt*

Lol. Well, I said I’d make this an entry title. And I am. Lol. It’s guy-speak, since I was the only girl over at Game Factory and the pizza place today. I always am. Two things surprised the heck out of me though. It was another one of our days to spend over at Game Factory, with Matt, Denny, Mike Keller, and some other people who I don’t know, who frequent Game Factory, and join in the games. Well, I was just sitting at a table, drawing another Inu Yasha picture, and Mike Keller said my name. I know, that shouldn’t be something that surprises the heck out of a person, but I’ve literally only heard him say my name one other time. Then, later, he was passing by where I was sitting, and asked how I’ve been, and Mike thought he meant him, and started to answer, but Mike K. stopped him, saying, “Not you. Her,” and patted my shoulder. He was actually . . . Friendly. And that surprises me. He’s usually so aloof. It was a nice change.

My mom cut out the things about Phil in the Asbury Park Press, and Home News Tribune. He was less than a year younger than me. The newspaper said he was born on July 5th, 1983. My mood has fluctuated between happy, sad, and angry the past few days. I don’t have that many memories of Phil, but the ones I do have, have been coming back to me. I want to dig out those MSEP tapes and watch them. I want to call up Keri and comfort her as best I can. I want to give her a hug let her know that somehow, things will be all right for her. I don’t even know if I could do anything for her, but I want to try.

Also something that I know I have to try is what I’m writing a letter to Dolly about. I don’t want to write it in here, but I’ll finish it probably tomorrow, and send it out.

Jason and I went to Veteran’s Park today. It was fun. We just acted like kids, going on the slide, and the swings, and that bouncy four way thing that’s kind of like a seesaw, but not really. I don’t know. All I know is, it was cool. He pushed me on the swing in the litel playground closest to the pool club. And when I was on the swing in the playground up by the baseball field, just swaying back and forth, he grabbed the chains and pushed me forward, and pulled me back. It was nice. I hope he’s okay. ::smiling:: Then again, I know he will be. He’s surprised me before with too many other things, and I’m sure he’ll continue to. I like that he admitted I was a good kisser, though. Hee.

Frankly, yeah, I still have feelings for him. In some ways, I can’t see how anyone wouldn’t fall for him. He’s so . . . him. I don’t know. Frankly, I agree with Jess’s assessment and was flattered that she thought he and I belong together. But, just because I agree with it doesn’t mean it’ll be so. Things like that have to go both ways. And, as it stands now, they don’t. ::Sighs:: Oh, well. I am okay with just being his best friend. Heck, if he dated someone, I’d probably be okay. Yeah, I’d be a bit jealous, and probably wouldn’t want to hear about him kissing her, or their dates, or stuff like that, but for the most part, I’d be all right. What I know would get to me is if he finds someone, who isn’t me, and gets into a serious relationship. Because who knows more about you? The one you want to spend the rest of your life with, the one you love, or your best friend? And while I know that when he sees me after he reads this, he’ll probably give me a hug, and tell me I’m being silly for thinking this, I don’t want to be replaced. Even after all we’ve been through, I still fear that. Yeah, I’m getting more confident, less insecure, but there are still moments, on nights like this, when I’m sitting here, stupidly watching what I’ve now discovered is a horror movie. Though it has Cate Blanchett, the one who played Galadriel, in it. There’s just no mistaking her face.

Sort of like Phil . . . He has such a distinctive face. Had . . . I can easily believe what they put in the newspaper above him, and why he went into the army in the first place. He’d always believed in protecting the innocent. Saving others from bullies. The last thing he said to I think it was his cousin, before he went off was that he was going there, “to play in the sand.”

In some ways, that poster is exactly right. The one that says, “Everything I know, I learned in kindergarten.”

::Sighs:: Okay, I’m gonna stop writing now. More later. At least my laptop’s not acting up anymore.

–Notes–

What an interesting title *LOL* [SolarEclipse]
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My favourite color is green. My greatest shame is probably the guilt I felt when my brother drowned. It was not my fault but I felt guilt all the same. Yes, I intend to answer the questions all in an entry. Thank you for yours. [Red Again Finnegan]
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I think it’s great you have a best friend you trust like that… and I know what it’s like to feel for your best friend… and not have it returned… you just have to realize (which you have) that even if you’re only their friend, at least you’re still together! [Angel Knight]