Is There A Button For Loudness?

Dolly,

I love this site. I’m glad Jason showed it to me, even if it was under less-than-great circumstances. It lets us talk, even when we can’t really talk. You know? I’m glad that I was there last night, too. I may not have known what to say, or helped in any lasting manner, but at least you laughed some. And that’s a start, anyway. I love you, too, in that totally platonic way, and there’s only one other person I would willingly stay up with like that for. I just wish that you still lived nearby, (comparatively, considering Staten Island,) because I would have come up to see you. If not last night, then today. About your notes, do either of you actually have the money to go on a cruise? I mean, it sounds like he’s just offering empty promises so you won’t leave him, and he’ll still have someplace to stay. Cuz, I can’t help feeling like, from everything you’ve told me, he’s been mooching off you guys since before you moved. You’re not a failure at anything just because he’s being an ass who can’t properly keep the promises he had no right to make to you. HE promised to protect and provide for you and Bobby, but all he did was bring you to financial ruin. Like you said, how many thousand down the drain? What was it, 21 thousand, I think you said? And I was talking to Pam, and she and I both agreed that if a guy ever finally admitted to us that he’d had, and lied about, having an internet affair, the guy would be gone before the word “affair” was fully out of his mouth!

::Sighs:: I know that you still feel you love him. I know that you’d love for the guy you once saw in him to come back. But I think at this point you have to accept that he isn’t going to, and the more you wish that he would, the more harm it’s going to do you. I wish I could be there for you now, because I know that you really need someone in person, instead of just cold words on an unfeeling screen, but for right now, this is the best I can d. A voice on the phone, and typed words on a diary site.

I can’t tell you what to do as far as he goes, but I hate the fact that he’s causing you this much pain. I know the thought of him out of your life, because you know what you once had, hurts a lot more right now, but I can’t help thinking it’s for the best. He’s not helping your mental stability, Dolly. He’s hindering it, and perhaps making it worse. It’s hard, probably one of the hardest things you’ll ever do in you life, but you’ve got to stand on your own two feet. Away from Eric, away from me, away from Pam, from Grace, from all you other friends, and learn who you are. I am on the same sort of journey. I don’t know who I am, but I’m learning. I feel that’s another reason why Mike and I didn’t stay together. Because you can’t properly know and love another person until you know and love yourself. From what I can tell, you’ve been as lost and alone these past two years if not longer, as I’ve felt for these past two years. If not longer. Who knows? Maybe I was wrong and we are soul sisters. Because these past few days, I’ve felt closer to you than I have in . . . possibly my entire life. Jason still holds a special place in my heart, and I trust him and hold his trust higher than any other’s, but the hole that had once been left by our falling out has been refilled, because you’re back in my life.

To quote Gandalf, from Fellowship, when he was talking to Bilbo about letting go of the Ring, “All your long years, we’ve been friends. Trust me as you once did. Let it go.”

Trust me as you once did, Dolly. Or maybe in a better way, this time around. Let him go, and make your life better for yourself and your son.

Bye. *~*

Kate.

–Notes–

He found a package to some far off place for under $500. He says we can save and get it for our 3rd anniversary. He gave me his whole check today to deposit into my checking acct. for bills. No, I’m not making excuses to keep him. Just stating facts. I feel kinda cut off from my emotions right now. Not sad or angry or particularly loving. Distant, like a watcher at the gates. [HyacatDuncan]
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I’ll figure things out eventually. And…gee. Do shadows come in white? There’s this little white thing going back and forth outside my window. Ah. Desitin on my glasses. Heh. Anywho, thanks for being you. And i feel the same way…the whole closeness thing. It’s nice. How is Jason a postman? As in…mailman? Snailmail? “watch out for chihuahuas, Mr. Postman” type postman? [HyacatDuncan]