Late Night Conversation
Dolly,
Okay, wow, I slept in late today. I’ve gotta get my schedule back on track.
Well, I’m assuming the general of people have read Dolly’s newest two entries. God. I swear, if I had the money, I’d go down to Texas and kick Eric’s, (though nice in Dolly’s opinion,) ass. I read your new entries Dolly, and I know that this hurts, I don’t think I can comprehend how much, but I definitely think that you should go through with divorcing him. It sounds like he was taking advantage of you from the start of your relationship. I mean, saying that you should trust him to support you and a child as a reason to get pregnant when you did? With everything he’s done since, he’s given you more than enough reasons to NOT trust his ability to support you and Bobby. I know you’re worried about how hard it will be on him, but the sooner you do this, the easier it will be for him in the long run. I know that it seems like Eric saved you from yourself so many times, and that may in fact be true. But there’s one hard truth I learned during the entire experience with Dan. When I first showed this diary to Melanie, she read all the entries, and then we talked the next day at Veteran’s Park. We didnt talk a lot about the entries, but she did say that she understood that I was being honest in my feelings. Maybe not going into much detail, but it was my diary, and I was able to say what I wanted without fear of repercussion. Sure, some were bound not to like it, but you know what? Who cared? ::sighs:: I’ve completely gotten off-track. My point is this: talking to Melanie helped me realize that just because things with Dan were sorted out did not mean that my life was automatically going to fall back into place and everything would be all right again. It would take work, because whether it was his doing, or what, the effects of things with Dan had spread out among all our mutual friends.
Even after that night, I was still angry. But I didn’t know at who. Talking with Melanie helped me realize that it was just this global anger that wasn’t really directed at anyone, and yet at the same time, was directed at everyone. It was just a question of who would be in the firing range when something happened that caused me to blow up. And no one could help me past that. I had to discover it and deal with it by myself, because no one else could take that anger, that hurt, that pain away. I had to save myself, and it was hard, and it hurt, but you know what? I’m a better person for it. I still dont know who I am, but I know that I saved myself, and that while I can give credit to others for helping me along the way, I made the accomplishment by myself. You need to do the same thing here. As far as I can see, Eric sure as Hell isn’t gonna save you this time. You have me, and you have other friends to lean on.
Personally, I think you are strong enough to do what you have to do, and to save yourself in the process. It may take a lot out of you, but you’ll be a stronger person in the end. No matter what you think, you are a strong person. You’ve had a whole lotta crap come your way, but like you were writing, you also have a lot of good memories, too. And not just with guys. With me. With Grace. With Pam. With my Ryan. Other young mothers, even single mothers, are able to get their degrees, even through work and being with their kids. You can, too. I hope this helps in some way, cuz I know this is probably the hardest thing you’ve gone through. Just know, I’m here, okay?
Bye. *~*
Kate.
–Notes–
I really appreciate you staying up w/me (so to speak) so I could have someone to cry on. Ya know, Eric wants us to take a cruise, be just us two alone together and work things out? >sigh< How do I do this? I don’t know what to do. I want to go to Egypt and see the Great pyramids and the museum of antiquities. T’ heck w/cruises! Does he not know the way to my heart at all? [HyacatDuncan]
—————————————————————————
Oh so itchy… Er…what was I saying? I wish I knew how to go about things, what I really want to do. How to not hurt Bobby in the process. I’m not going to dwell on it right this sec tho’. I’m letting my tear glands recharge. =) Thanks for just..being you. I hope ya know I love you (in a COMPLETEY plutonic non-freaky way!). You’ve always been like family, including the bickering part. =) [HyacatDuncan]