Isolation

“I realized I actually did want you near me.”

     I wish I could figure out what’s going on in my own head.  ::Sigh::  On an annoying note, I’m still not able to leave notes on not just Melanie’s diary, but on ANYONE’S!!  I’ve tried, and that “Would you like to continue running scripts on this page” thing keeps coming up.  Argh!!!  It’s annoying, because I want to leave notes.  I want people to know I’m reading and thinking about their entries.  I love reading them, especially Malloren’s, and I haven’t been able to tell her that!!!     Okay, on a funny note, this is the first time that I’ve had a crush on a cartoon character in a long time.  Since Ninja Turtles, I think.  Yes, I had a crush on a Ninja Turtle.  What of it??  Lol.  It’s a downfall, though, because then I wish the person was real, and I want to meet them, and I try making clay figures of them, and end up spending money that I really shouldn’t on things I’ll never finish making, and it’s all just a bust anyway, so . . . (Hmm . . .  maybe ‘ll try just doing a bust of InuYasha.  That wouldn’t be that hard, would it?)  . . . meh.  Or, ‘feh,’ as my current cartoon crush is so fond of saying.
     Yep, my life has reached a new low.  I’m quoting an anime half-demon who I think is really, really cute, and have done about six or eight drawings of in the last two days.  Yeah, I’ve hit a rock bottom.

     Oh, well.  In some ways, I guess, dream guys are better than reality.     I’ve realized that, in many ways, love doesn’t affect me anymore.  I mean, I used to be totally entranced, or just the normal female, “Aww . . .” reaction at a movie or TV show couple kissing, or whatever.  But now, it’s just, ‘oh, this is happening.’  Or maybe I have to feel some kind of connection or placing with the characters.  Because InuYasha effects me, but that’s because I feel some kind of affinity with the characters.  I know them, as weird as it sounds.  Or maybe not so weird to some of you.

     ::Sigh::  Still no luck with what’s boinging around in my mind.  I have this sinking sensation that I’m not gonna be able to hold out for as long as Jason can, because he’ll expect me to crack first.  That I’ll wind up going to him, wanting answers, and once again, the cycle shall continue.  And I can’t.  I have to hold on.  But, simple fact, I know he can just sit back and wait.  For once, though, I’ve got to outwait him.  This cycle can’t continue.  It’s not fair to either me or him, and it’s not fair to the people who listen to me complain.

     You know what?  I’m not writing about this anymore in my diary.  Because I know he reads it, even though he NEVER comments, and frankly, it’s not fair that he gets to read about my deteriorating sense of patience, when I’m not hearing onbloody thing abou him.  I’ll rant somewhere else, where I don’t have to screen my thoughts.

–Notes–

PLEASE READ AND NOTE ON THIS OD ENTRY IF YOU CARE ABOUT HUMAN CIVIL RIGHTS! SPREAD THE WORD TO ALL YOUR FAVORITES! http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D160118&entry=10030&mode= [gottheboom]
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Kate~what browser are you using? That may be affecting your ability to leave notes. OD kept making Internet Explorer crash on me so I started opening it in Netscape…BIG improvement. Try a different browser and see if that works. [Ruby*Tuesday]