READ THIS ENTRY!!!!!

Kate,

Okay, you know what? I’m sick of you trying to build up everyone else’s security and confidence, and never trying to do the same for yourself. You’ve got traits that some people would kill for, (Okay, hopefully not literally,) and strengths in you that others would envy.

But how often do you acknowledge that? How often do you think that you’ve got nothing good enough, nothing worthwhile, everything to give, but no one to give it to? How often do you believe you have “everything to give?” So you’ve gotten hurt. So people have betrayed you, lost your trust, so you feel you’ve lost an innocence about yourself that you can’t get back. You know what? Everyone gets hurt, everyone gets betrayed, abandoned, trampled, loses innocence, yet they find ways around it. They find ways through it. I know you’re still hurting from everything because of Dan. Considering you, I’d be surprised if you were completely over it this soon. Yet, when are you going to get over it? You know people have cared, and helped you. Jason has. Melanie sure as heck did. Deep down, you know you have friends.

Yeah, of course, Jason is your best friend, and of course, you can say that as easily as you can say your own name. But why do you still have problems saying, and believing that you are his??? Melanie’s said before that you are close to her. Maybe you and she aren’t best friends, but you got what you wanted. You and she are close. In her words, closer than you’ve ever been. You should have more faith in the friendships you know you have. I know, believe me, I know that you don’t like placing your trust in the wrong hands. I know that when that trust is betrayed, you feel not only hurt and angry, but scared, because you can’t help wondering who’ll be next? Who will you lose next? Who will betray you next? And I know you look to those closest to as both a source of security and as targets of suspicion. You wonder, simply because of how many times your heart and mind have led you to heartbreak. I can’t guarantee whether or not you actually believe those closest to you would betray you, but frankly, you should think about it. You do have good qualities. You have extremely high standards of trust, and even after arguments with people, you’re willing to let them back in. You’re a good writer, as you keep wanting to believe, and people keep telling you. You are honest with your feelings, as proven by writing in here so openly, and definitely by writing this entry for the public to see. You’ve got friends. You’ve got good qualities that aren’t overshadowed by your not-so-great ones. You’ve got a good mind, and can figure stuff out, sometimes, like no one else can. You are good enough, and strong enough to handle whatever comes along.

Just believe in yourself and you can do it. Dan didn’t take everything away from you. In fact, by all standards, he managed to take very little, despite his threat. Because, how can someone else take who you are, when you haven’t even discovered it yourself? I’ll write again, a bit later on in your journey. Good luck on your first discovery of the mystery that is you. Jason nailed it right on the head. You want an opinion of yourself, go to the one who knows you best. That’s not the only opinion that matters, but it’s the one that should build you up the most.

Love, Kait.

–Notes–

This entry was amazing..so heartfelt and honest. It might be one of my favorite entries of yours. Congratulations on coming to terms with yourself and the amazing qualities that you possess. You have a trusted friend in me, always remember that. I’m proud of you for everything you’ve accomplished this year. Good for you. And also..congratulations on working things out with Jason (again) but if he [SolarEclipse]
—————————————————————————
keeps up his behavior..I may have to kick him. Hell..I’ll kick him regardless of his behavior because that is what Jason and I do..KICK! *lol* Okay..we’ll try for next week sometime..except that I’m back in school and all that fun stuff. *lol* Question..whatever we do??..Can Lee come? I want you to know her..I think you’d like her..although she’s a little crazy *lol* [SolarEclipse]
—————————————————————————
*CLAPS* good work, Kate! I may have to try this myself sometime soon! I saw you driving today. Where were you headed? It was right by St. Joseph’s Church that I saw you. NMB. I will be boredededed tomorrow 😛 [Ruby*Tuesday]
—————————————————————————
ryn; why not leave your e-mail in a note of mine, so that way i’ll send you a copy of the book idea entry. i only made it private so no one else could take my idea, and because sometimes my comptuer would always have error things on it which would interrupt when i’m e-mailing someone, like i was doing when i was making that entry private. anyway, later. [nornna2004]