Outside The Bubble

Have you ever felt, even when you’re in the middle of a crowd, like you’re completely alone? I’ve been feeling that way. I read Jill’s new entry, and saw Melanie’s note, where she says that these are the things she’s been feeling, but couldn’t put to words, and Jill said the same thing in regards to a college related entry of Melanie’s. It’s stupid, but I feel like I can’t say that I feel the same way, that these are things going through my head as well, because I’d be copying what someone already said. There’s something juvenile for you, Jill. I’m still worried about being a copycat. This is pathetic, I know. But it’s how I feel. I mean, I introduced Melanie to Rob, Dan, Shannon, etc. One group was my “Matawan friends,” the other group, my “Hazlet friends.” And I mixed them together at my parties. We always had fun. Those parties were great, even my 19th. Cuz, hey, when am I ever gonna forget that? (I seem to be the only one who remembers it!! Lol.)

But . . . it’s like, after those parties, the people I mixed together became friends on their own, became this group, and left me behind. I’m not saying it was done on purpose, but it’s what happened. Then the problems between me and whoever started, and voila! the separation widens. And . . . I can’t help feeling like the same thing is happening to me now. Melanie and Jill are talking, as well as occasionally leaving notes on Dolly’s diary, and people who have only heard about one another in passing are talking . . .

It leaves me feeling like I’m going to be left behind again. I’m not sure how, considering that everyone can read everyone else’s public entries, but there are also a lot of nuisances and things a person can put into their entries that only specific people would understand. And I know I can do that, and Melanie and Jill are both writers as well, so they have some experience with it, I’m sure.

Sigh. I’m just insecure. It’s ridiculous, but it’s real.

Oh, yeah. Mike’s party was yesterday. I pulled off another Eli’s/back at my house things. It was all right. But anyone, if you ever meet Joey, never challenge him to Mercy. I did, and we got into some position where my pinky finger got bent, and it’s swollen and hurty-like now. I’ve been putting ice on it all day, and for a good deal of yesterday. I don’t blame Joey for it; I challenged him, it’s my own fault. Besides, I’ve had worse happen to my fingers. ::As she remembers the time she dropped a sixty pound clay statue on the tip of her middle finger:: That hurt!!

Okay, I’m gonna go. Oh, before this entry, I’ve written a private one of Lord of the Band. I’m not finished with it yet, that’s why it’s private, but I’ll publicize it soon, so keep a watch for it.

–Notes–

Just because Jill and I are talking doesn’t mean we’re leaving you out. I heard of Jill prior to meeting you..remember that I’m friends with Andrew. But regardless, I know how you feel about being left behind. I’ve been left behind by people before too. Life is that way. But we’re friends Kate..you’re stuck with me at this point. 🙂 Deal with It! [SolarEclipse]
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We’ll have to eventually try and work something out..You, me and Jill hanging out..because I have YET to meet her in person. Or trying to get Kenny, Me, Jill, Andrew, You and Mike/Jason together. That’d be difficult with all our hectic schedules. But we’ll see. [SolarEclipse]
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You described the fishbowl effect in the first part of your entry…at least that’s what i call it…it’s why i hate parties. Tell Mike happy b-day for me; as usual i was bad with dates and forgot!!! [Ruby*Tuesday]

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