My Immortal

I’m so tired of being here,
supressed by all my childish fears . . .
And if you have to leave,
I wish that you would just leave.
Cuz your presence still lingers here
and it won’t leave me alone.

These wounds won’t seem to heal,
this pain is just too real.
There’s just too much that time cannot erase!

When you cried,
I’d wipe away all of your tears.
When you screamed,
I’d fight away all of your fears.
I’ve held your hand
through all of these years.
You still have all of me.

You used to captivate me
by your resonating light.
Now I’m bound by the life
you left behind.
Your face, it haunts
my once pleasant dreams.
Your voice, it chased
away all the sanity in me . . .

These wounds won’t seem to heal,
this pain is just too real.
There’s just too much that time cannot erase!

When you cried,
I’d wipe away all of your tears.
When you screamed,
I’d fight away all of your fears.
I’ve held your hand
through all of these years.
You still have all of me.

I tried so hard
to tell myself that you’re gone.
And though you’re still with me,
I’ve been alone all along . . .

That’s a great song, but . . . I don’t know. Whose tears have I wiped away? Whose fears have I fought back? Whose hand have I held? I feel like I’m always giving so much of myself to other people, and it’s not that I’m not getting anything back, but . . . Well, I guess I do feel like that. I always feel like people give me excuses not to trust me.

Joey’s a very preceptive person, I’ll say that. I don’t know if anyone else has figured this out about me, but he wrote in an E-mail that I was a very tortured soul online. And that most people probably didn’t realize that, since I’m so different in person. He’s right. I am. I guess you could say I’m a tortured soul beneath a Smiley.

I don’t know whether my world is falling apart or not. In some ways, it feels like it is, but then there’s this feeling of all I have to do is put my hand up and stop the crumbling. But I don’t know where to put my hand. I want . . . I want to ask things from people. I want to know things, but . . .

I don’t know how to ask . . .

–Notes–

i feel like you’ve ripped the emotions out of my head and put them down in words. it’s insane how similar i feel, yet insane how different the situation is. bleh. [a flawless defect]
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RYN: see the above… i just feel like the thoughts that i often struggle to put into words and even more often conceal considering my friends all read my diary… were written here. As far as my best friend… its’ mostly a matter ofhigh school ending in a year… we are all growing apart… more rapidly than some of us particularly want. and some of the changes… they’re just painful right now. [a flawless defect]
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Oy…that feeling is the worst…i had my world crumble to bits once and it’s just…more horrible than words can describe. (This is Jill btw. Got a new name.) [Ruby*Tuesday]
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o gawd i love that song…it actually made me cry….okies it didn’t make me cry but it made me wimper…lol, anyways thanx for the warning about the poetry scam if that is ur sure…but still i don’t want to take a risk so i’ll take ur advice on that. again tahnx..lates [MysticEyes]
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RYN…no, haven’t seen the Ring. 🙂 TTYL [Ruby*Tuesday]