“Heaven, Hell, Or Keller!”

I don’t know what to write. Anything I want to rant about, I can’t really air to the public. I was hoping there would be a nice long E-mail from Joey for me to read and reply to, but then, he told me he had to go to work, so that’s probably why there isn’t one there. Oh, well. I talked to him on the phone for awhile today. I was hoping I could drive up there and hang out with him tomorrow, but they’re all going out to the mall for his sister’s birthday.

::Sighs:: I suppose I should explain the entry title, huh? Well, it is a funny story. Jason and I were at that Chinese Buffet place, and I was saying how I was apprehensive about ever introducing him to Mike Keller if the chance ever came up. My reasoning is simple. I was afraid that the kind of influence Mike K. would have over Jason would get him to be closed-off again. And I said that I had worked too hard to get close to him to have him close off from me again. But he said that it wouldn’t happen. Nothing, no force from “Heaven, Hell, or Keller” was going to make him revert to that. He has changed a lot, Dolly. In regards to your last note.

You know, I find it funny. I can say as much as I want to that Jason should have known that I’d listen to him, I can point out as much eveidence as I want, but when you get right down to it, he had me character down pat. In any other situation, he had what my reaction would have been exactly right. Jason, I hope you’re not still kicking yourself for things you did or didn’t do back then. Things are sorted out, and at least in our case, have become even better. I trust you with everything I have, and I’m realizing more and more, I’ve never been able to say that about anyone else. Sorry, Dolly, but it’s true. I’ve been reading over the red binder lately, and there are so many letters where I ask if you and I were still connecting. That our friendship was the one secure thing in my life, and I wanted it to stay that way. But I was insecure about it anyway. I still don’t know exactly where we stand now. I’d like to talk over everything that happened, instead of just brushing it away. Yeah, we’re talking now, but I don’t have . . .

Not closure, because I think I got that the night I first called you up. I don’t have . . . answers. I still wonder about things. And it’s a simple fact that . . . I still can’t read that last IM that we had so long ago. I guess that’s how I know how strong Jason’s and my bestest friendship is. We’ve had arguments over IM. Ones that I’ve kept. And I can read them over. I have no problem looking at them and seeing how things happened, and how we sorted it out later on. But I can’t do that with ours.

On a side note, I saw Return of the King for a fifth time today. I LOVE THAT MOVIE!!!! It is absolutely the best movie I’ve ever seen. But one scene in Fellowship is bothering me . . . and I just figured out where it’s from!!! Okay, thank God. It was the scene where Frodo slips in the snow, and Boromir picks up the ring, and the picture that was in my head was Gandalf turning around, as all the attention goes to Boromir. Okay, I figured it out.

–Notes–

I meant, the core funny parts of him haven’t changed; that’s all. I’d like answers, too. If you read my last entry, I guess you’ll see I’ve always been insecure where you and I stood, too. I hope it makes sense, since I was crying during the writing process. I’ll give you a call after that [sadist] we call Dentist is done torturing…er…fixing my biomechanical flaws. [HyacatDuncan]
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Um…ever think that, maybe, you’re taking this LotR thing a li’l far…? Oh, well. Who am I to cast stones? I, who scribbled “I love Raistlin” on my notebooks and have a binder full of Dragonlance pics. [HyacatDuncan]