Such A Tight-Knit Group?

You think I’m good at dates just because I recall a lot of people’s birthdays, Jill? Whoo-boy . . . Remind me never to go over my junior year with you. You’ll get swamped by dates. Lol. I remember always thinking that Melanie, Shannon, Dan, Rob, and who knows who else, had become such a tight-knit group, and that me and Mike were on the outside, trying to look in. I don’t know how many birthdays, parties in general, movie nights, etc., I missed because I wasn’t getting along with Dan and/or Melanie, and no one thought, “Hey, just for a change, let’s invite Mike and Kate instead for once.”

You know, off on a tangent. I realized not too long ago that yeah, while I’ve had arguments with people, very few have actually lost my trust. I mean, Dan certainly did. Any semblance of trust of him is dead and buried and shall never be resurrected. Dawn lost my trust because she was hiding something from Ryan, and was screwing him over in the process. But think about this one. I went through Hell and back because of everything with Jason, and everyone around me who went through even some of the things I did, told me to forget about him. But I never could. Curiosity notwithstanding, I just couldn’t get it through my head that he would betray me like that, or that the entire thing was his fault. I’m glad I never convinced myself of that. Oddly enough, though yeah, I was pissed as Hell when everything happened, Melanie never lost my trust.

And that’s where the turning point happened. I realized that while people have arguments, that doesn’t mean that they can’t trust one another. They may claim to hate one another till the day they die, but it doesn’t mean loss of trust. Loss of trust is something deeper. That’s betrayal. Knowing that, even after the anger fades, lingering doubt will remain. If you still talk to them, you’ll always wonder. It’s weird. Until everything with Dan happened, having an argument with someone equated to losing them as a friend, moving on, and meeting someone new. Now, I’m not saying that Mike should have said, “Okay, you screwed with my girlfriend, you’re out of my life.” While that would have been nice, and yeah, I admit, I wished it on more than one occasion, I knew it was unrealistic. But I hated how he kept defending him. And I’m going off on a tangent again. My point is, whether because of someone else or not, Dan’s been the only person to stay in my life in one way or another, after an argument. I’m used to people slowly, or quickly, disappearing into the background, and me usually never hearing from them again.

But then, I’ve learned that people in the background will often come back into the big picture. Jason sure has.

Well, that’s about all the profound thought I can muster right now. I shall leave you with this sentiment: “I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine, and he shall be my Squishy.”

–Notes–

No more Phantom? Please e-mail me and lmk what happened!! [Jilliebean]