You Think You Could Draw A Stick Figure Diagram?

Okay. Yesterday, I woke up and had to go to work because someone asked me to cover for them and I’d be off on Friday. Well, we got a call before I left, and apparently there is some kind of pressure against Rusty’s esophagus and he can’t breathe right or eat solid foods. Not only that, but there’s a pressure against his leg and that’s why he’s been limping. The doctors . . . think it could be cancer.

Well, I went to work, depressed over things with Rusty, and things with Jason. I didn’t understand what was going on in his head. I mean, how could someone tell me I was his best friend, and then have the IM that we had the night before last? Work was . . . interesting, to say the least. I almost started crying when they played Christmas Shoes on the radio. And then they played that Canon song that’s really similar to that First Noel with Canon in it that Jason has played for me. Ugh. It was the worst thing I could have heard.

I randomly went online to see if I could talk to him, or something, but each time, nothing. And I was half telling myself to just try and deal with this whole thing with quiet dignity and grace. When my mom came home, I could tell that she was half-crying. She said something about the vet’s office closing at six, and hadn’t I known? Then she said something about just bringing him home and making him comfortable. That was when things started hitting me, and tears came to my eyes. I was talking to Melanie at the time, and I said I had to go, and signed off, turned off the computer, and went out to take a walk. My first instinct was to talk to Jason, so I grabbed the cell phone and started walking down the street. I found out he wasn’t in the dorm, and reached where Galewood is. I stopped, and rushed under a streetlight to check out the time. It was about six-thirty. So, I decided I would go up there. I had to see him, I had to talk to him. Despite what was going on, he was the only person I felt I could talk to.

So, I ran back to the house, still crying, and grabbed my purse and the keys, and said to Mom that I just needed to get out for awhile. She didn’t really try to stop me, and for that, I was grateful. I took off, my destination: Kean. I just needed him to hug me, I think. I don’t know. But through the rain, through my tears, through really bad Christmas carols to hear, I made it up to the college, and ran straight to the computer room.

He was in there, and someone went in and told him I was standing outside. I’d stopped crying by then, thank God, and he came out, but said he had an exam in twenty minutes. We walked to the piano room, where we would be able to talk for about ten minutes before he had to go and take the final. When we got inside the room, and he closed the door, I broke down. I collapsed against the wall and started crying. I slid down to the floor, and started sobbing out what was happening with Rusty, and how could Jason have given me that ultimatum of deal with him as he is or not at all? I told him I didn’t want to lose him, that I had given up on him once and it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life, I wasn’t going to repeat it! He didn’t say much then, but after I got myself under control, we walked to where he had to take his final, and on the way, I asked if we could talk after he was done. He said that yeah, we would. I asked if he meant that we would talk, or if he meant I would talk and he would just sit there. He said he did mean that he would talk, too.

So, I waited there, in the piano building, randomly plinking out things on the keys of his favorite piano to use. I must admit, it is an exceptionally nice piano. But I actually figured out the notes to It Came Upon A Midnight Clear. How cool is that?

At about 9:30, Jason came back, and we talked. It turns out the entire thing was basically a fluke. He didn’t mean any of what he said, and certainly not the ultimatum. He’s been in a funk lately, and he pretty much accidentally took it out on me. He, to quote him, did have things to say, but he “phrased them really, really badly.”

Well, we went back to his dorm, because he needed food, and we talked more. So, yeah. We’re okay now. And I’m so relieved. Everything that’s happening with Rusty would be so much worse . . .