Fickle?

I was thinking today. Jason and I have had the same mini-conversation several times. I’ve said something to him about being able to tell him things, or whatever, and he’s said that it’s because I know that I can trust him with anything and he will hold it in the strictest confidence. And I always retort to that that he should know the exact same thing about me.

But I wonder . . . Does he know that? I mean, I’ve been pretty fickle throughout my life. I’ve always prided myself on being someone who was fairly private, who kept secrets, but the truth is, I haven’t always. If I knew a secret, there was always someone I had to tell, whether it was someone at school I thought I could trust, or if it was Dolly, or whoever. I’m sure people have also done the same to me, but I’ve found that that doesn’t matter. I went up to visit Jason last Saturday, when it was blizzarding, and one of the things my mom said to me, in an attempt to get me not to go was, “You know nobody would do this for you.” And you know what? That’s not true. I’m quite sure that if Jason had promised me that he’d see me that day, somehow, he’d do it.

I do trust him with everything in me. And I don’t even completely understand why. It’s just this inherent feeling of TRUST that I get from him. It’s funny. I was doing some Christmas shopping in Redbank today, and as I was going down there, I realized, Jason has always told me more than he’s told other people. It’s all a matter of listening to what he says. Or should I say what he means. Maybe both. Because I remember, once at Brookdale, I was talking to him about the whole thing with Dan, and basically how I felt that he’d taken everyone away. Jason looked at me, and said, “Well, here’s one person who’s not going anywhere.”

Sigh. See, now I’m gonna go on the whole I-should-have-know-I-was-an-exception thing concerning him, and it’s the same old argument with myself. But I don’t want to go on that whole thing again, because it’s not what I was thinking about.

I was also thinking last night that if jason and I had been friends when we were kids, we would have driven each other crazy!! I mean, he says that he was more extroverted back then, and I was definitely, (in school, anyway,) more introverted. But personality-wise, I think we’re basically the same then as now. I was more excitable and got into a frenzy, shall we say, more often, however, and that’s exactly the reason we would have driven each other crazy. Okay, more like he would have driven me crazy. Cuz if he had the same cryptic kind of attitude, and so stoic a sense of emotions in general, I would have gone nuts. I would have gotten so worked up myself trying to get a reaction out of him, and God, I’d hate to imagine the arguments! I can just see him, completely controlled, and me being the one losing it and storming out, or whatever. And I would have, too, considering me when I was a kid.

I get the feeling that he purposely challenges me. That’s what it was!!! I was remembering As Good As It Gets, that movie where Jack Nicholson plays the man with an OCD. (Obsessive-compulsive disorder.) I really have no idea what the plot or anything else of the movie is. I saw it when I was 16, literally, the day I turned 16, but I was only mildly paying attention to it. Anyway, the only part I do recall is where Jack’s character is talking to Helen Hunt’s character, and she challenges him to give her a real, honest-to-goodness compliment, otherwise she’s leaving the diner where they were eating. So, he says this monologue and then says that all in all, she “makes him want to be a better man.”

That’s what Jason does to me. He makes me want to be a better person, (considering that I be female, and all.) I mean, he challenges me to see myself, and see what I’m hiding from everyone, including myself. Or maybe just from myself, because he can sure see these things. I love that he does that, too. Even his little annoying singsong, “Patience is a virtue . . .” thing doesn’t bother me *that* much . . . anymore. Okay, yeah, it still bugs me, but not as much. I don’t know. There’s just something about him. You can’t lie to him. He’s someone you want to be honest with. You want to tell things to, because even if you don’t know why, he makes you feel better when you do. At least, that’s how it is with me.

–Notes–

I have on friend that I trust wholeheartedly and compltetely and I literally tell him pretty much everything. And I’d do anything for him, just as he would me. God bless, [IMPERFECTIONSshadow]
—————————————————————————
It’s nice having someone you can trust. [Heartfelt Advice]
—————————————————————————
*lol* I’m always saying “Patience is a virtue” in an annoying voice to Kenny. He has absolutely no patience. *lol* Jason is an amazing person and a good friend to you. It’s nice having a guy like that in your life isn’t it? Jason is Okay in my book..even though he should be kicked, and kicked often..and by someone who knows how (me) (changed the quote from Gone with the Wind) [SolarEclipse]