I Just Needed To Get This Out

I just had to get this stuff out. Yeah, I’m talking to Dolly again, but in some ways, it’s driving me nuts. In some ways, I almost can’t stand to talk to her, yet in other ways, it’s this incredible relief. I don’t even completely know how I feel here. It’s so frustrating. I mean, our conversation seems so strained sometimes, like we have no idea what to say to one another, because we don’t know where the sensitive spots are anymore. I mean, I feel so weird mentioning Jason, or Mike, or Ryan to her anymore, because I don’t know what she thinks about them. I mean, mentioning Ryan shouldn’t be a weird thing, but it was.

What have I gotten myself into? I mean, it almost feels like . . . Like, yeah, I found out she doesn’t hate me, and maybe we can sort out everything, but . . . Now what?? Where do we go from here? Is there anywhere to go? Once the questions are answers, is there any room in our lives for the other?

–Notes–

It wasn’t weird in the least, talking about any of them. It’s nice to hear they’re all doin moderately well. I kinda miss them all. Jason, I never really got over, but it’s not a sore thing to talk about him. I’ve grown up a lot, chere ami. I won’t crumble and dissolve into tears if you prod an old wound. Wow. Kyan and…er…I can’t spell that L word. (Me, the human dictionary!) IT’s OK! [HyacatDuncan]