Getting Over An Ex

Okay.  I found the diary of someone, asking for advice on how to get over an ex-boyfriend.  I left her a note, and unfortunately, my suggestion didn’t work, so I’m gonna try writing an entry, pouring my thoughts into what I can suggest.

Especially if you’ve loved a person, it’s very hard to get over what is no doubt a devestating experience.  There are a few main things to look at.  How long were you two together?  Who wanted out of the relationship?  Did you get closure, or do you still feel you need answers?

I’ve already received a few notes on this entry.  Melanie is right; getting over an ex is one of the most difficult experiences that you can go through.  Especially if you don’t have closure on the subject.  I suppose I’ll cover that one first.

Sometimes break ups do happen for no one reason.  Or perhaps just one that the person doesn’t want to say.  It could be that they like someone else, or they weren’t emotionally ready for the relationship and realized that, but have a hard time admitting it, or maybe they’ve found they vlaued you more as a friend than something more, and want the friendship back, but are uncomfortable because they know they’re still seen as something more.

You can’t always get closure on a break up.  People won’t always give answers, so a lot of times, you have to half-figure-it-out-yourself, and half-concoct the reason. 

Break ups hurt like Hell when they happen, especially if you’re on the receiving end of the news.  There are so many emotions that run through a person’s head.  “What did I do wrong?  Why is he/she doing this to me?  Why did this happen?  What can I do to fix it?  How can I get him/her to see he/she made a mistake?”

“What did I do wrong?”  Probably nothing.  Some break ups happen because of arguments, in the heat of the moment, etc.  But if that’s the case, then you can’t shoulder all the blame yourself.  Arguments take two people to have, two people in conflict.  Yet, there are some times when something is done, (ie–a bad mistake, cheating, a lie that blew up in your face, etc.) where something is your fault.  In that case, the only thing you can do is apologize.  If the other person is angry, I know the temptation is there to apologize immediately, and I can;t alwasy say that’s a bad idea.  Use your discretion, because it entirely depends on the person whether to wait a few days, or say it right away.  If the person doesn;’t accept it, either immediately or after a few weeks, then you just do have to accept you made a mistake, and while it may have cost you one person, you’ve learned that it was a mistake and won’t repeat it in the future.

I’ve covered most of the other questions up there in the first one.  Why they’re doing it depends on your circumstances, as well does why it happened.  What you can do to attempt to fix it, one suggestion is given there.  But as for “How can I get him/her to see he/she made a mistake?”

Well, as far as the relationship goes, and getting them to take you back, the way things used to be, more often than not, you can’t.  Because they won’t think that it was a mistake to break up with you as long as they know they’re still getting the attention from you without having to do anything but “look good.”  The best way to potentially make someone look back on what they did and think, ‘Was that a mistake?’ is by enjoying your life.  Yes, break ups suck, and people take them hard.  We cry, we scream, we hit pillows, we have regrets, ‘what if’s,’ but in the end, if we stay that way, we’re miserable.  I know.  I’ve been there.  And I still play the game of ‘what if?’ with some circumstances in my life.  But you’ve got to remember.  Things do happen for a reason.  Maybe you were meant to be single at this point in your life, because when you’re Christmas shopping this year, you’ll run into a terrific guy at the mall.  Who knows?

The most important thing to remember is that when you’re a teenager, love seems to be the be-all and end-all.  But it’s not.  Having a boyfriend is wonderful, being close to someone and having them hold you in their arms, or give you a back massage, or kiss you, yes, they’re all terrific, but only when you’ve found someone who would say that those same things and more are terrific, coming from you.

I hope I’ve helped, and if anyone wants me to continue this line of thought, note me with what your situation is, and I’ll write on it as best I can.

–Notes–

Getting over an ex..is one of the most difficult things to do. But I’m definitely glad I got over mine. I’m so much happier now than I’ve ever been. But maybe that’s cause Rob and I shared puppy love..and now I’m feeling the real thing. Good luck writing the entry. [SolarEclipse]
—————————————————————————
Do you really have the first 3 seasons on tape, or were you just screwing with me? Because if you do, that’s awesome! We have to talk Pokémon sometime. [DorkAlert]
—————————————————————————
u really did help but i figured out who it was it was my bf J.t. and Alex another guy i have a crush on and u did help thanks alot i like you your advice really worked and u can reade my diary also thanks [thunderlightening]
—————————————————————————
hey.. here’s the answers to your questions. We were together for a month and a half. He broke up with me. I still need answers from him. He’s also been flirting with me, and spending a lot of time with me lately. I don’t know why. Thanx.. [Scattered Leaves]
—————————————————————————
hey….i do believe that this whole entry of yours was directed in my direction…remember me? the one with the ex problem…you gave me advice…and although i REALLY appreciated it…it failed to work for me. I’m still sad…and i hate seeing him in the school..knowing that i cant ever have him back…….and it hurts even more to see him with other girls..it sucks. no room left–make new note [the new lindsay]
—————————————————————————
i feel that my ex isnt giving me the answers i need.. i feel stupid…because i had seen my older brother suffer through an on-off relationship that had lasted for 1 yr..and thought to myself that i wouldnt ever take relationships that seriously…my brother and his ex had planned on being highschool sweethear

ts. i knew that they wouldnt last that long….. [the new lindsay]
—————————————————————————
I was well aware that me and my boyfriend wouldnt last that long. i promised myself i wouldnt get wound up in our relationship.but i guess its pretty obvious i did. im over the dude now.and i realize that he wasnt really worth my time. i want to find a new guy.but truth be told…im just so scared of getting hurt again.i like a guy..my friend knows him and says he’s nice. how do i get his email?? [the new lindsay]