I Still Can’t Betray Him

Despite everything, all of this, anything I’m feeling, I still can’t do it. 

I can’t help feeling like that secret diary of Jason’s that I’ve mentioned before may have some kind of clue as to what’s going on in his head.  Maybe it could help explain things to me.  Maybe it holds the answers that I’m looking for. So many times, I’ve gone to that diary.  So many times, I’ve seen that there are entries there, and so many times, I’ve almost clicked on the first one.  But each time, I hold myself back, because no matter what, I will not cross that line with him.  I won’t break a promise, not so deliberately, and not if I can help it.

I don’t know what to do, here.  I’m just gonna have to get through the next few days as best I can.  I hate that I can only see him every Tuesday.  I do envy Melanie this.  She and Ken may be seperated most of the time, but everything that she writes about says that they have a great relationship.  They don’t seem to have many, if any, problems when all they can do is talk online.  Yet, it seems that every time I talk to Jason online, a problem comes up.  Argh.

I know what I want to say to him on Tuesday, at least.  It’s just a matter of making it to that day without losing it completely.

–Notes–

I’d be going crazy too if I were you. 😛 [*Poetry Contest*]
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thanks for the note. 🙂 i like your name. the beatles rock my socks. soory about the guy problems. le sigh…guys are so silly. and aggravating. and wonderful. however do they manage it? [yawp]