Red Binder Revisited
Lol. Ah, yes. My red binder, for which I was so famous for in Raritan. At least, among my friends I was. Well, other people were amazed that I carried that thing, too. I mean, come on. It’s not every day that you see a girl carrying a huge red binder literally filled to the brim with notes, letters, and lists that have to do, or are to her best friend, and her other friends.
It was my place to write things to Dolly. It was my place to write lists of screw ups, funny comments, theories, slam books, everything. That binder holds about three years of my life. My entire sophomore year, some of my freshman, and a good deal of my junior. It kills me that I don’t have it with me, because I left it with Jason last time I was there. I trust him with it. Her wouldn’t take anything out of it, or anything like that, but it kills me that I’ve literally left about three years of my life with him. That binder has everything in it, and I mean everything. All of my secrets, all of my thoughts, everything that came to my head during boring history classes . . . God, I can’t stand this. I hate not having it with me. I guess, in the case of that binder, it’s not a matter of trust. I’ve proven to myself that I trust Jason with my life–I left it with him in the form of all those pages. It’s more a matter of loss. That binder is a part of me, and while I may not have always known exactly where it was, I’ve never not had it in this house. I’ve never left it with anyone before. No one else I know has ever been given permission to go through it and read whatever they want in it, especially when a good deal of the letters have to do with said person, the way a good chunk have to do with Jason!
Yet, I trust him with it. Dang. That alone says volumes about me. I mean, for anyone who knows that red binder . . .
Okay, enough on the old red binder. I wanted to talk about the new one that I have now. Yes, I have a new red binder. I like keeping records of things, and these are the best way to do it. I mean, at least I don’t have a bunch of ranodm papers all over the place. I guess that’s what I like about keeping the binders. Everything that I would like to look over is in one place, and I can just flip through and find it. Lol. I forgot one thing, though. Exactly how frustrating it can be to organize. I mean, not everything I have has dates on it, so I’m kind of guessing by darkness, here. But I’ll do it. This will be my record, my device of recording, of remembering. Because despite what people say about living for the future, and the past being dead, if we don’t remember the past, then what do our futures mean? If we forget them so easily, then we’ll keep making the same mistakes with others we care about, with ourselves, and that isn’t good, either. Just like living in the past doesn’t work. But no one should forget where they began. I know I won’t. I’ve moved on from it, I’m no longer that person, and apparently haven’t been for awhile, but I’ll never forget who I used to be. She made me who I am. And for that, I owe her my life.
–Notes–
oooooooh, im note number 200!!!!!!!!!!!!!! weeeeeeee [lost=one]