Out of the Past, Come Answers for the Future

At the Beginning

We were strangers, starting out on a journey, never dreaming what we’d have to go through.  Now here we are, and I’m suddenly standing at the beginning with you.

No one told me I was going to find you.  Unexpected, what you did to my heart.  When I lost hope, you were there to remind me this is the start . . .

I don’t think I ever understood the true meaning of these words until I was thinking about them this morning.  For people who have seen the animated movie, Anastasia, that this song is from, you know that it’s about a girl who loses her memory, but is actually the princess of Russia, and wants to reunite with her family.  Her only clue to the past is a necklace with the inscription, “Together in Paris.”  Eventually, thanks to the help of a former con-man named Dimitri, she unites with what is left of her family.  But then, elopes with Dimitri, and one of the last lines of the movie is, “No.  What a perfect beginning.”

I understand that better now that I ever have, because I’m also at the beginning of something.  I’m watching the beginning of a new Jason.  In the past two or three days, he’s changed in ways that I’ve been trying to help him do for two years.  I knew he had it in him, but he never showed it.  Well, I can’t say never, because there were specks, moments, brief pictures when I would see who he really is.  But that side of him would never stay out for long.  Too much time has passed with him hiding himself away.

Oh, now this is gonna bother me.  I just thought of a line.  “Why have you locked yourself away?”  And I can’t —  Oh, wait!!  Yes, I do remember where it’s from!!  One of the versions of the Secret Garden that we have.  Ben Weatherstaff says it to Colin.  Okay, that’s better.

I was looking over a notebook today.  I should really copy this entry into here, becasue I was despairing about the entire thing with Dan, and basically telling Jason, in writing, that I couldn;t deal with it anymore.  That I was giving up.  It just wasn;t worth it anymore.  And he wrote back somethings to something we’d been discussing befroe I wrote that, and then he says, “Now, off on a tangent.  ‘You’ve given up?’  The Hell you have.”  And he continued on to say that I was too strong of a person to give up, and ultimately, he wasn’t going to let me.  He’d be there if I needed someone.  I read over that today, and I realized something.  That was the “real” Jason.  Everything he’d written before that was his way of pulling away, trying to make it seem like he’s fine on his own, and all that.  But what he wrote for me, that was real.  That’s who he is.  Plus, he wrote “Dearest Catherine,” as the intro line, or whatever.  Heading, whatever you wnat to call it.  Normally, I hate being called Catherine, but there, it was something different.  It felt different.  It felt . . .  like he was . . .  almost referring to me as royalty.  Bah, I’m saying it badly.  I don’t exactly know how to describe it, I just know that . . .  I didn’t feel indignant when I saw he’d written Catherine.  It honestly felt like, if he’d written Kate there wouldn’t be as much meaning behind the rest of his words.

Okay, I’m gonna go.  This is the first long entry I’ve managed in a bit.

Bye. J J J

–Notes–

ryn: err.. what kind of contest? [a Duck with a CigaR]
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hey 😛 thanks for your..”random note”. Haha. It was grreat..(the dance!). You may not know who nick is…but he’s nice and hott. haha. L8R. ~Trista~ [bobbykitten]