Depth Perception

And I can just see Jason sitting at his computer, thinking, “Oh, God,” as he sees this entry title.  That is, if his browser lets him open this window.  Anyway, amazingly, I’m not writing about him as the focus of this entry.  I’m writing about something that he said, but the focus is actually on me.  He’d said that it wasn’t until literally years after I met him, when he was reading everything I’d speculated in my red binder, that he realized I had a lot more depth than he’d originally thought.

I wonder . . .  I mean, in my first novel, I wrote a line about Ivy, the character that’s based on me, saying, “She should have been born a blond as a warning to others.”  I wonder if other people have misjudged my depth as much as Jason.  It’s just interesting.  I mean, I do think that Jason does have a good sense of perception on the characteristics of a person.  And to know that I was the one he misjudged . . .

He said something yesterday about just wanting to get to know the strangest girl in school.  I’ve got to admit, considering his wanting to be a psychology major, I would’ve made a prime suspect.  Why am I so odd?  Do I have a reason?  Is it for attention?  Do I have a need to stand out?  You know, probing my mind for things like that.  And considering that I probably didn’t appear very deep, he probably didn’t expect to get much more than what was on the surface.

I will say something for his opinion of me then, though.  Back my sophomore year, I don’t think I was as deep, or profound, or whatever you want to call it as I am now.  I’m a lot more perceptive of my surroundings and the people in them than I used to be.  I was more aware of things than I let on, even back then.  I had a great many thoughts in my head that I never told anyone.  If I said them anywhere, it was to a mirror, and then they were later forgotten, or I wrote them in some letter, and they’re in the red binder.  But not that many people have read the red binder, for the simple reason that my script, which is what most of those letters are written in, resembles something akin to ancient Egyptian.  I can read it, but I’m about the only one.  Well, okay, Jason read it, but I think it gave him eyestrain.  *Lol.*

My experiences throughout high school have given me a higher sense of awareness of other people, though.  If I hadn’t been through all of that, I don’t know what I’d be able to do as far as “reading Jason’s mind,” or anything of the sort with anyone else.

Oh, for anyone who doesn’t know, my famous red binder is something I carreid around with me for some of my sophomore year, and most of my junior year.  I have a whole butt-load of letters in there to Dolly that I kept as a diary source.  They tell the story of my sophomore and most of my junior year.  My thoughts, the events, a whole bunch of stuff about Ryan, who I had a crush on for most of that tim period, speculations that Jason was amazed about, etc, etc, etc.

Okay, I think I’ve rambled on enough in here.  I’m gonna go write that poem in another entry here.

–Notes–

hey. you seem pretty “deep profound whatever you wanna call it” [social*distortion101]