What Makes A Friend?

This is an interesting question. One that I think I’ve finally found an accurate answer to. As many of you know, who have read over this diary, or talked to me in person, I’ve felt abandoned, betrayed, and any other number of negative emotions over the past two years, starting even earlier than when everything between myself and Dan began.

I kind of relate people to hot air balloons. All of those strings attached to cement blocks, or sand bags that weigh it down and keep it grounded. Yet, the more weight that’s released, the easier it is for said balloon to fly away, get caught in the wind, and be blown completely off course. People are like that, with their friends. Or at least, I’m like that.

My friends were all the strings and weights and sand bags that kept me down to earth. Sane. Happy. Comfortable with who I was. And I liked that. My senior year, and a year or two afterwards, I knew who I had. I knew who my friends were, and I had so many I could invite to parties or call up, or talk to online. I thought that meant something.

I know now how wrong I was. It’s not how many friends you have, or even how often you see them. I’ve learned so much, thanks to everyone who has been there in my life. The people who have betrayed me, as well as the people who have stayed by my side. Because being betrayed gives you strength to your character. Yeah, it can make you a bit more cynical, a bit less trusting. But it also gives you experience, and that can make the entire ordeal worth going through.

In middle school, I thought I was in love with someone who in the end, ended our friendship. Yet, I know now it was for the best. I couldn’t have stayed friends with him, even though now I know that he isn’t the horrible jerk I made myself think he was. I guess that’s the main thing I learned from that experience. That just because you find out you dont get along with a person, doesnt mean that they’re a jerk. It just means that they’ll get along with over people. Who knows? They may mean as much to someone else as someone else means to you.

I remember that I wrote a bit ago that I wish I could go back in time to four years ago, even with the complications with Will, and the problems with Ryan, that I’d rather live then, then now. You know, I can’t believe that I said that. Yeah, there were complications recently. A lot of them, with a lot of different people. But you know what? One person made all the difference for me. Because I didn’t have this person back then. But now, I do. And he’s made all the difference for me.

Yeah, I’m talking about Jason. He’s made a lot of difference in my life, (yay! Beatles song!), and I don’t know how I could wish to go back to a part of my life that he wasn’t involved in.

I’m probably gonna babble about him for awhile, until the . . . I guess shock of seeing him again, and the delirious feeling of happiness fades. But I don’t think it will for awhile. I’ve honestly been on auto-smile, or something. I’ll just find myself smiling for absolutely no reason, other than, I’ve got this terrific best friend who I’m confident I’ll be able to visit at least once a week. It makes my day, and I think it makes his as well. It at least gives him something else to think about besides cactus maintenance. Lol.

Oh, one more thing. On a last note, I still thank you, Melanie, for being willing to listen to me as I complained about not hearing from Jason. I know you may not have had much to offer except an ear, and an occasional word, but it helped immensely. So did yelling at him over that IM. Lol. I think you did freak him out, a least a bit.

Okay, I think I’ve rambled enough, so I’m gonna go check out other diaries now.

Bye. J J J

–Notes–

Your welcome. A friend listens…I may not be able to offer advice..but I can listen. I’m glad you and Jason have worked everything out. I’m sure you’ll be happier now. You’ve finally realized the true meaning of the word friendship. It’s not about how many or how much, but about the quality of the friend. [SolarEclipse]