same old story

not in the mood to get all into the story, and i thought i was generally cool with it, but i’m not.

i’m so sick of making an effort, getting a pat on the head, a ‘thanks’ and then someone else benefits from that work.  i know that sounds selfish, and probably a little assholeish, but that’s how it feels.

i could make a list, but fuck, that’s not going to do any good.

the only thing i can think to do to avoid feeling this way is to stop being ‘a nice guy’.  is that the answer?  i thought i was working toward the place in life when having a conscience and genuinely caring about people mattered, but with each new example, i’m beginning to wonder.  do I need to become the guy who sends asshole slutty booty call messages to girls i randomly made out with while drunk two weeks ago?  start sluttin it up, dropping each one two weeks in thinkign "eh, not worth it"???

that seems to be the recipe for success these days, and it’s REALLY fucking disheartening.  

i know i’ve bitched about this before, and i know what you’ll all say, and none of it helps.  there’s gotta be something wrong with me.  why bother?