09/12/2010

i can’t think enough to put together complete sentences or whatever, so heregoes something i haven’t done in months, maybe years.

strength, power. given?
taken? found? gifted?
imagined? imagined. tricked.
convinced, duped, comforted
but ultimately,
none.
reality: ____________
nobody’s quite sure yet.
everybody’s quite sore, yet.
can’t escape it
can’t fight for it
forced to lose? catch-22?
it’s not the macro, it’s the minute, the verisimilitude
just a fancy word for detail.
just a fancy word for closeness.
the details i can’t escape.
the details that cause the
ice-cream scoop hole in my chest. the kind with the little lever on the side of the handle that lets you wipe the scoop clean, dropping its contents off wherever, leaving no trace on the scoop.
thought i’d filled it.
but it melted, no, evaporated , no, disappeared

"where’s the safe place?"

meadow of flowers? doesn’t exist.
beachy sandy? yeah, ok, sure. right.
betrayed my own head, my own heart, my own plan.
live and learn, they say.
learn what? run.  that’s what.
are walls the way to go?
walls it is.  its the only thing that’s felt ok.
sorry if you’re outside.
the grass ain’t no greener on this side,
trust me.
someone should, at least. i can’t.
bye