ranty mc rantypants (edit)

yeah.  so i’m gonna rant now.  if you don’t wanna hear it, there’s the door, peace.

one of my biggest pet peeves when dealing with other people, and i know i’ve talked about this before on here someplace, is when people treat me like i’m weak or something.  like they know what’s better for me because they have some sort of life experience upper hand, or that i can’t deal through issues in a reasonable way. it’s usually framed in one of two ways, both of which make me feel like i’ve got leprosy and somehow i deserve pity from someone else. 

the first is: "You’re so young/inexperienced/sheltered/nice/whatever, you’ll thank me later."   Seriously?  I mean seriously??? You’re going to sit here and belittle everything I’ve been through in my life, how I feel in my heart, how I think with my mind, by dismissing it and substituting your judgment for my own?  You’re not my fucking parent. Feel free to present your opinion, stand up and stand behind your convictions, but don’t do something and then try to tell me it’s for my own good when it’s for your own goddamn reasons.  It’s fucking cowardly, it’s passing the buck, it’s immature, and it shows me exactly what you think about me. 

the second is: "I’m sparing you, you don’t need this trouble."  Again, seriously?? I’m perfectly capable of deciding what’s healthy in my life and what’s not.  What my limit is, where I can let myself go, how far I’ll allow myself to go down a path, how I deal with the decisions I make, etc.  Don’t presume to know what’s best for me.  Again, you’re not doing it for me.  You’ve got your own reasons, your own motivations, and you’re trying to pass it off on me like I can’t deal with it, like it’s going to break me or something.  You’re looking at me in the face and telling me I can’t live my own life, that I need someone’s help.  Un fucking true.  If I were going to fall apart in my life, it would be when my mind wouldn’t let me leave my bed for a week.  It would be every time I think of the fact that my dad chose the bottle and a blunt over a relationship with his son.  It would be the fact that I’ve got enough debt that I won’t be out of it until i’m almost 50.  It would have been when I had a professor look me in the face and tell me my work wasn’t college level work, to go back to high school.  It would have been countless times along the road of life.  Nothing is going to break me, I’m not going to put myself in a place I can’t recover from.  to suggest otherwise, or that i would be better off in a different place, feels like a big fucking middle finger in my face. 

i’m sick of people making me feel like i should be eternally grateful that they’ve graced me with their presence, or that something makes their experience, their opinion, their way of doing things the best way.  my opinion doesn’t seem to count for much lately, i’m left bending to other people’s wishes and dealing with things their way.  and it pisses me off.

it makes me physically sick to think about this right now.  I need to go outside.

edit: this just goes along with the shit i’ve been feeling since friday.  that "im not worth it" feeling.  feeling very disposable, very used, very much like an accessory to people’s lives instead of something worth putting in by choice.  like parmesan cheese on your pizza.  nice, but you wouldn’t go out of your way if it wasn’t available.

i hate that feeling.  i need some ativan.

[Verse 1]
She said I don’t spend time like I really should
She said she don’t know me, anymore
I think she hates me deep down, I know she does
She wants to erase me hmmmmmm

A couple days no talking, I seen my baby
And this what she tells me, she said

[Chorus]
I keep on running, keep on running
And nothing works
I can’t get away from you, no

I keep on ducking, keep on ducking
And nothing helps
I can’t stop missing you, yeah

[Verse 2]
It’s like I’m her new nightmare, she ain’t escaping
It makes me feel a bit complete, yeah
Knowing someone you love don’t feel the same way about ya
Memories they soon delete, hmmm

A couple weeks no talking, I seen my baby
I’ve missed you so damn much, hey
I wish we could start over, I told my baby
This what this bitch tells me, she said

[Chorus]
I keep on running, keep on running
And nothing works
I can’t get away from you, no

I keep on ducking, keep on ducking
And nothing helps
I can’t stop missing you, yeah

[Bridge]
Cuz I’m in the magazines
On the TV
No matter where you are you might hear me
I’m in the magazines
On the TV
No matter where you go you might see me

[Verse 3]
Uh, I’m Yeezy
She said Hi I’m Aria,
No! You an angel you wave hi to Aaliyah
I got a show in Korea
They built a new arena
Why don’t you come watch n-gga tear the whole scene up
I know I’ve seen you before but don’t know where I’ve seen ya
Oh I remember now, it’s something I that I dreamed of
Don C said she cool but don’t let her f-ck ya cream up
Monica Lewinsky on ya dress take ya to the cleaners
Sure enough a week later I’m in extra love
And everybody know she mine so she extra plug
Every bouncer every club show her extra love
We just praying the new fame don’t get the best of us
But all good things gotta come to an end-a
She let it go to her head, no not my aria
The height of her shopping was writers blocking me
I couldn’t get my shit out anyway, I hope you die Aria

[Chorus]
I keep on running, keep on running
And nothing works
I can’t get away from you, no

I keep on ducking, keep on ducking
And nothing helps
I can’t stop missing you, yeah

Send "Erase Me" Ringtone to your Cell

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