venting.

venting.  not sure if i’ll make this entry public or not.  i just need to rant.

FUCKING HYPOCRISY.  i’m completely angry at jeannie right now.  i’ve spent the last few weeks getting ok.  working on myself, trying to not shut her out completely, and she’s spent that time trying to get in touch with me, reading this blog, whatever.  to that end, trying to keep myself sane, i blocked her on aim and facebook, and stayed off(ish) of gchat. 

then i get an email, as we’d been exchanging for a few days, telling me how much it hurts to see that i’m online and dont want to talk, or know that i’m in front of a computer for 8 hours a day and don’t want to talk to her.

this coincided with the end of the worst part of the anxiety cycle a few days ago, so i opened the door a crack.  i unblocked, i started a conversation, faced the plastic snake.  then about 30 minutes into the convo? boom, she said she can’t do this right now, that she’d get back in touch with me when she could, i asked if that’d be maybe later that day, she seemed to respond affirmative, and promptly left aim/etc.

she read my blog last night around 3am… i got to work this morning, popped open facebook to see if she was online.  and she wasn’t.  popped open my phone to turn off a few facebook notifications that were lingering, and it showed her online there.  apparently there’s a bug in facebook chat on the iphone that lets you see when someone’s online, even if they’ve got you in a group scheduled to show as offline. 

so you send this big heavy-hearted email about how much it hurt you to know that i was blocking you, wait for me to open back up, then do the exact same fucking thing?  really? that’s how you’re gonna play this one? 

then around 1 today, she comes back on AIM (but not gchat, and not facebook), and says nothing to me.  

i’m absolutely livid right now.