shock to the heart, and you’re to blame

Well, I’m going to die.  Yes, it’s true.  While at the doctor Monday, I had a cholesterol test done.  Yesterday, I get a phone call from a nurse with the results.  The nurse says, "The doctor is very concerned about your cholesterol and wants you to get on a low-fat diet immediately."  I then ask her  my cholesterol number.  She tells me, "200."  I then inquire as to what is considered high cholesterol.  Here lies the earth-shattering, horrible, hopeless news – "199." 

It’s over.  Tell my wife I love her and will miss her.

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Due to some business ventures I take part in, I find myself at the post office on a very regular basis, sometimes every day of the week either dropping off packages to mail out, or picking up things that are being delivered to me.  Over the past four or five years, the same three clerks have worked at the register.  Two of them know me by name, making small talk, asking me how I’m doing, etc.  They even know my PO Box number by heart and without asking, always go back to get me the packages that don’t fit into my box.

Lady Number Three treats me like a new customer every single time I’m there.  No small talk.  Asks me the same questions related to my purpose for being there, even though it’s been the same for the past four years.  Why?  Did I do something to offend her?  I’m a nice guy.  People like me.  I’m charming, better looking than most of the people who enter the Post Office on a daily basis, and friendly.

Of course, it doesn’t matter because I will be dead of high cholesterol within the week.  Then Lady Number Three will be sorry she didn’t try to get to know me.