Hard to believe

That more than a year has passed… my OD+ membership lapsed.  I do not care that it lapsed.  It just notes the passing of time.  I’ve been so terrible about keeping my diary up this last year.  I’ve been so…. what?  Head in the sand?  Just trying to forget my circumstances and deal with the frustrating homeschooling… not that it’s been ALL frustrating.  I’m pretty sure Syd did better than she would have in "regular" school… but that’s not saying much.  When (and I do say when, not if) I have the money, that girl is going to acting camp.  Seriously, she would LOVE it.  And, she would excel at it.  She can do so many different accents pretty flawlessly, and she’s so dramatic.  I got to thinking about this, because I found an actor’s FB page, and he’s got an acting school.  I friended him, and am looking at other actors/actresses to friend, but it just got me to thinking about Syd, and how I could send her to acting school… well, at her age, acting camp is probably more likely to happen than acting school, you know?  I don’t know… I’ve just got to get Syd PASSIONATE about something, and maybe acting camp would do the trick.  Who knows?  Anyway, it would be a LOT of fun for her, and it would be worth looking into.  It might even be worth seeing if they have something for "low income" kids.  Dammit. 

I asked Syd about my thought above, and she wasn’t interested.  Surprised me.  But, I think part of it was that she didn’t think we had money for it, which is true, I was saying WHEN we do… but maybe she’s just getting used to having very little.

My mom came for a visit last week.  She bought me towels, YAY, and took us out to dinner once or twice (I forget actually) and bought rotisserie chicken one night for dinner.  Oh, she took the girls to John’s, while Jerry and I went to have Chinese and saw Iron Man 2 at the IMAX theater… I had a GREAT time.  That is definitely my idea of a great date night.  So I guess she took the girls out twice, lol.  Hey, it works.  She gave us some spending money, and Alex her birthday money, which I bought shoes, diapers and wipes with.  It’s NOT like she needs toys, we have PLETNY of toys in this house, we’re really at a saturation level on the toys because of all the toys we were given or I was able to buy cheap last year.  They play with the barbies, the Little People, and anything that rolls.  I bought a baby doll stroller for Shabree when she was THREE, that Alex is now playing with.  I think I’ll put that thing away when Alex gets too big for it, so my grandkids can play with it.  I mean, it’s a GOOD toy, to last so long through 3 girls.  I’ve never had a toy stroller last quite as long.

I have to admit, was kind of glad to see mom go.  I mean, I’m always glad when she comes, but she only is here for 3-4 hours max most days, and Sunday I think it was, she left and spent most of the day in her hotel room.  And, she dis-invited me to church.  Didn’t want me to go.  Said it was not a revolving door, that obedience was required, and that when she was younger, she went for her mom, because she adored her so much.

Well… sorry I don’t adore you that much mom… you never gave me ANY reason to adore you, as cold and mean as you could be at times.  As many times you told me you’d do something, then take it back the next time you saw me, with no regard for my feelings.  

She’s really made it her area of expertise to wound me to the core, and truthfully, I don’t WANT to go to church anyway.  Maybe that makes me a bad Catholic, it MAY make me a bad person, though I have my doubts.  I was only going to go to satisfy Shabree’s curiosity.    Eh, whatever… just goes to show you, that God doesn’t WANT me in church, that’s the second time I’ve been thwarted from going.  So perhaps something else is in store for me, though I have NO idea what, and have lost so much of my faith, it’s sad.

Well, no idea what else to say.  I’m now unhappy, stupid me for revisiting that subject.  It was mostly an okay visit.  I just don’t get my mom, and yea, was glad when she went home, must admit.  I suppose a lot of people have strained relationships with their parents and don’t really enjoy visits from them.  It was good for the girls through.They love their grandma, and she loves them, and they had a GREAT time at John’s.  I really can’t complain, and am not, or trying, not to.

I guess I should wrap up.