02/26/2010

I look at the breast feeding ticker and wonder if I’m ever gonna get that kid off the boob.  Seriously, she’s addicted.  Jerry tells me she can’t do this when she’s ready to go to school.  Well of course not, I’m SURE we could convince her before then that this is something only babies do.  Maybe.  LOL.  Seriously, she wouldn’t voluntarily give it up.  But I’m sure as heck not going to get into a fight with her about it.  It’s hard enough when I don’t let her at them in public or if I am just sick and tired of being a cow.  That kid, she’s persistent in her wants and needs, and oh SO protective of her own body.  And, thank you very much, at the age of 21 months, she will hit me when she’s not happy!  I really did not know it was possible to start the terrible 2s before the kid was even 2!  She’s smart, that one.  She says "Mama, Where are you?  Mama, Where are you?" when she can’t find me.  Yes, she’s stringing 4 word sentences together!  She seems to confuse yes and no though… we’ll offer her something, she’ll say no, and then take it.  But she almost always means it when I ask her for a kiss.  "No."  and she turns her head.  She still has a great ability to make me laugh.  Tonight I went "roar" at her, and she did it back to me!  We probably went on for five or ten minutes just roaring at each other and laughing our butts off about it.  Then we had to do a tongue wiggle at each other and laugh our butts off about THAT.  Sammi’s so serious in comparison, though Sammi is such a neat kid in her own right.  She’s SUCH a priss though!  She hates to be dirty!  She actually loves to help wash dishes.  She has a great attention span too.  We’re still working on the speech, but she’s getting clearer.  She loves to go on Starfall.com and play Calliou on pbskids.org.  We don’t even have tv so that she can watch it, but she LOVES Calliou.  Funny though, if it’s up on the computer, Shabree will sneak in and play it, makes Sammi SOOO mad.

Shabree… has been testing her boundaries lately.  She’s nearly driving me mad with it.  She and Syd bicker like crazy, driving me to the brink of madness.  I am often left wondering what the hell did I get myself into?  I’ve been REALLY depressed, tired, though I’m BEGINNING to wonder if it’s a vitamin deficiency, because today when I loaded up on the vitamins, I felt SOOOO much better.  I’m not sure what to make of that, and in a way it pisses me off, because I’ve been so frustrated and upset and depressed, and if it’s THAT easy, I am really kind of angry about it, because I could have done something about it awhile ago.

However, that being said… I’m still kind of tip-toeing around Becca, not sure if I mentioned that or not in my last entry, and I can’t keep it up.  She’s got major mom issues, but I can’t parent her if I am not allowed to.  But here’s the thing.  Jerry keeps NOT supporting me, and every time he pulls the rug out from under me (and then goes and acts like *I* am the one to blame), he just makes it all the harder for me to parent her, and do what I need to do, and that’s what makes me want to leave the most.  When he allows her to get away with mistreating me, and not listening to me, and not following what I’ve said, she can see how easily she can manipulate the situation to her advantage so that she never has to listen to me or do a thing that I tell her to do.  If THAT keeps up, I am out of here.  I can put up with a lot, but this crap… not so much.  Anyway, I’ve been in a really funky mood.

So to divert to another subject, we got a notice in the mail today, which was basically the bank telling us "Either get current, or we’ll start foreclosure proceedings"  Again, mind you.  This will be like the 3rd? time they’ve started foreclosure proceedings on us.  The first time, we actually brought the loan current, the second time we just filed bankruptcy after bankruptcy, and Jerry sent them letters asking for documentation on the loan… which they cannot provide, because they do not have it.  And so they really have no legal claim on the house, come down to the nuts and bolts of it.  They cannot foreclose, they can TRY, but they don’t have a legal foot to stand on.  

Oh, and then… a number of years back, because of all the lawyers suing us, we copyrighted our names, so legally, they cannot use our names without our permission.  We can have a bit of fun with their lawyers on that one.  It is simply AMAZING what you can do in this country with a little bit of knowledge of the UCC code.  We didn’t even know when we did the whole copyright thing what the deeper meaning was, we were just trying to get a couple of particularly "sharky" lawyers off our backs, and it worked.  Of course, we also got out of the business, so that helped too.  We managed to exhaust one of the lawyers, we seriously put liens on everything he owned.

So I don’t doubt that we can get the house free and clear…just hope this is where we want to live forevermore, lol.  The next house we buy will probably have to be paid for in cash, though we THINK there’s a way around it.  Just kind of tricky to test in our current situation.

Anyway, I’ve got to get to bed.  Got school in the morning, and TGIF, I’m ready for a break!  I’ve got to put together a schedule, and a routine and a contract this weekend, in an attempt to get school to run smoother, especially where Sydni is concerned, because she’s terribly far behind, and not making great progress, and every day I have to remind her to take her ADD meds so she at least has a CHANCE at concentration.  UGH, that’s all I can say.  When she’s not on her meds, it’s a total disaster, when she is on them, it’s… better, but not great.  We’re still messing with them trying to get them right though.  She’s on a longer acting one now, which has helped with some mood swings she was having.  Though the doctor had upped her dosage, and that also seemed to help with the mood swings.  Half of me is SERIOUSLY tempted to start messing with her food, and a vitamin regimen in an attempt to see if we can help her focus better, but she’s not going to like it, because she’s seriously addicted to sugar (as am I….) and I’m PRETTY sure it’s going to mean giving up sugars.  I’ll have to do some research and get her on board.  But I think she’s as fed up with her inability to concentrate as we are.  Maybe I’ll go on said diet with her in a show of solidarity, and who knows, maybe it’ll help me too…. I would NOT be surprised if I have ADD, and that a sugar addiction is either a major symptom, or a major cause of it…  it would make sense.

Anyway, it’s worth trying.

Okay, off to bed for me…. I’ve got to write out the whole situation with Bec, but it’s just a horrendously long story, and I’m not wholly in the mood to tell it.  Not at midnight, that’s for sure.