02/24/2009

Heck if I know what to write about.  We just got back from some grocery shopping, a trip for lunch at Hometown (soup and salad 4.99), and a trip to the bank.  My mom sent us some money for Valentine’s Day, so we cashed that check.  I get to use some of it for ink for the big printer.  Though I’m actually KIND of hesitant to use the money to get that because I also want something to hold my 12×12 paper.  I actually want both, truth be told.  I guess I have to ask myself if I can wait on one thing or the other.  It’s hard not to want to go blow that money my mom sent.  SO much that I want, but SO much of it can wait.  However, if I put my paper to where I can see it… it’ll get used faster.  And, I have to order the ink, with the credit card that costs 3 dollars every time you refill it (it’s actually down from 5, so that’s good.)  I guess I’ve got to talk to Jerry about where I should put my priorities, however, I don’t think HE thinks ANY of it is a priority.  What’s especially frustrating is the paper cart I want, HE had, in the garage.  He put it out by the curb when they did a major pick up, and someone took them, so at least they didn’t go in the trash…however, had I KNOWN I could have used them for 12×12 paper, I would have snatched them a long time ago, in a heartbeat.  It’s going to cost something like 35-40 dollars just to replace one of them… don’t know how much paper it’ll hold though.  

Sydni is COMPLETELY and utterly upset with us.  The doctor put her on Ritalin… where Becca just seems to be ADD, Syd is definitely leaning more towards ADHD.  I gotta say though, I look at her, and I’m around her, and it’s hard for me to say, Yea, she’s hyper, though there ARE times.  To me, she just seems… I don’t know, free spirited.  Though one does tend to wonder what the HELL does go through her head sometimes?  Cripes, that girl can cause issues.  I love her, so don’t get me wrong.  It’s just with the money stealing when she was 6, and the stealing of the Playboys when she was 8, and the taking of the inhalers when she was 8 or 9 and actually USING those inhalers, without knowing what she was DOING… she’s been a handful at times.  I mean, she just does whatever, WHATEVER she wants to do!  She doesn’t ask, doesn’t tell… just DOES.  And it is enough to drive a parent freaking NUTS.  And what’s worse, is that you’ll tell her "Don’t do that."  "Quit messing with that"  and she MIGHT quit for the moment, or she might just act as though you never said it.  However, if she does quit, for the moment, then hours, or maybe a day later, you find her doing it AGAIN.  Take the pay as you go phone…expensive little things right?  So she’s been carrying around this cell phone, messing with the ring tones, and I’ve told her a number of times, Quit messing with that phone.  Put it back where you got it.  SYDNI, that is NOT YOUR PHONE!!!!  So what does she do?  Takes it to SCHOOL WITHOUT PERMISSION!  She KNOWS we’re going to say no… easier to ask for forgiveness than permission I guess.  But it’s just SO frustrating.  She’s already lost/had stolen one pay as you go phone, and it’s an expensive proposition if she goes making any phone calls.  That phone is for emergency purposes only, when we need it.  And if you tell her even once that something MIGHT be okay, then she takes it as permission forever.  Oh, you let me take the phone to the park once… that MUST mean this phone is MINE to do what I want with.  Some days you just wonder if anything will penetrate that girl’s head!  We ganged up on her yesterday.  Usually one parent takes it, because Jerry doesn’t believe in ganging up on them.  It is kind of a mean way to do things, but we’re pretty sick and tired of her attitude that goes something like "I can do anything I want and I’m not going to ask for permission and there’s nothing you can do about it."  

So I got completely off track.  Syd’s mad, because we forgot to bring her the second dose of her medicine.  She came home just SPEWING anger and frustration.  And then asks me to take her to Burger King!  And then proceeds to spew some more.  Oh yea, like I want to take THAT to Burger King where I’m STUCK with the kid and her anger.  Do I really want to reward that behavior?  We forgot!  We’re human, we had things to do.  Oh, and when she heard we went to Hometown, she was really upset.  I can’t tell if the medicine is helping, but Syd sure does seem to think it is.  She’s definitely got anger control problems… they all seem to.  I’ve said time and time again, we’re not a spanking family… and there are reasons for this… one of course is that the kids learn that violence is okay.  Well… that one hasn’t rubbed off, though we CAN say, "Do we hit in this family?"  Wait for it… "No, we don’t hit in this family."  So it DOES give a bit of credence to why they aren’t allowed to hit each other.  But it’s completely ridiculous how often Becca will "accidentally" pop or kick one of her sisters… that kid doesn’t even know her own strength "But I barely TOUCHED her."  Yea RIGHT!  That kid kicked me in fun (I started it!) and it hurt like hell!  I can only imagine what it might feel like if she WAS angry, and trying to do it "lightly"  We’ve tried to impress upon her that because she’s in Tae Kwon Do, that kind of stuff, when she gets into fights with other people, could REALLY get her into trouble, and she’d better start learning to control her temper.  

Sigh… but really, it all starts with me, and my temper, and I can sure see that.  But I AM doing my best to control my temper, to not let it get the better of me, and to not go all ballistic on them… at least the first time (by the third time, I’m really starting to lose it though, I gotta say.)  And I DO keep my hands off of them.  Especially when angry.

I honestly think we do need to see that counselor… even if it’s JUST for anger management.  

I’ve managed to exhaust myself talking about all of this.  So much for talking about my day, lol.  My brain hurts!  LOL…  I could sure USE some retail therapy… I hardly ever get retail therapy, unless it’s grocery shopping, and that is a lot of work, not a lot of fun.  Though we did go grocery shopping today, and came home with a BUNCH of meat.  Sausage, bacon, beef, and chicken.  Oh, and about 10 dollars in honey.  Honey’s EXPENSIVE.  If I wasn’t in love with honey mustard… I might not bother buying honey.  I do buy it in "bulk"  Hm… I should really look at the bulk honey and see if I would save buying it from that section instead of the other section.  But I do buy it in the biggest container, knowing that eventually I’m going to have to do something about the crystals… but that’s okay.  It doesn’t get wasted.&nb

sp; I eat a lot of ham and turkey sandwiches, and I always use honey mustard with those… yum.  I pretty much do my own "sub" sandwiches at home.  They’re SOOO good.  I don’t miss Subway very much, though I don’t put black olives on my sandwiches at home… don’t even miss it though.  But they DO have to have cheese, lettuce and tomato on them for flavor.  So I always keep that stuff on hand.  When I’m out, I don’t make sandwiches.  I’m pretty big on sandwiches, probably because they’re quick, easy and healthy.  I eat a lot of PB&J, ham and turkey, the occassional grilled cheese (NOT very healthy.)  I also keep cheese sticks for quick eating (Sammi and Alex LOVE these), lots of fruit and veggies, soups (though those don’t get eaten as much).  We’ve been reducing the amount of quick frozen food we buy.  I do get lasanga and raviolis, and the occassional pizza.  Oh, and tator tots, for tator tot casserole.  Which I was supposed to make tonight, but I have to see if we’re going to McDonald’s or not… because if we do go to McDonald’s, then there’s no point to making dinner.  I’m just not even sure we SHOULD go to McDonald’s. but Bec has no karate today, so it’s a good day to go.  Friday or Saturday might be a better day though.  I never quite get the baby fed enough when we go for a long stretch of time like on a Saturday though.  She no longer likes her head covered up, so any nursing I do is somewhat exposed… though not THAT much.  

I’ve got to get going… I’m not sure what we’re doing, but maybe I should ACT like we’re going and put together my scrap bag.