1/9/09

Went to the market for dinner tonight… money seems to not have hit the account today, but there is an account, so hopefully tonight.  I had a rough night last night.  I went to bed at 3, and then just laid there for 2 hours, then fell asleep, and 45 minutes or so later, the baby woke up crying, and damn, I was pissed.  I’d been up nearly 24 hours, and I really wanted my sleep.  I was cursing the whole way downstairs, which I took her so she wouldn’t wake Jerry up.  I know I’m the mom, but why do I always get stuck taking care of her in the middle of the night… or in this case, the early morning?  I don’t actually even bother to ask Jerry, which isn’t something he ever acknowledges.  Oh, whatever.  When I fed her though, she only took an ounce or two, and I thought for sure she was hungry…well, she threw up a whole bunch of milk, so I think I over-fed her a bit.  Poor thing.  I took her back upstairs, laid her in her cradle, and she fell asleep.  I went back to sleep, until about 10:30 or so.  I didn’t get out of bed until 11 something though, because I was feeding her.  It’s REALLY hard for me to tell if she’s getting enough to eat.  But when I give her formula, or feed her table food, she hasn’t really been eating much of it lately.  She has been sleeping a lot too… so I don’t know whether or not to worry about her.

I have GOT to break this swearing thing… I’ve always sworn, ever since I was about 16.  Oddly enough, I only ever heard an adult once in school tell me not to… after I’d slammed my fingers in my locker, I kind of yelled "Dammit!" and a passing teacher told me not to say that, and I said "But I hurt my fingers and it just came out."  She told me not to do it again.  When I was about 18, my dad asked me to stop using the F word… saying I swore like a sailor.  I DID stop using it.  Kind of amused me though.  When I’m particularly angry however, I say "God bless America!" which oddly enough, Jane uses that one too, and has since high school, according to Jerry (and he would know, they were high school sweethearts.)  I’m thinking "Great minds think alike?" except this is JANE.  Eh, I LIKE Jane… I think she could be smarter about her choices, maybe more disciplined is a better choice of words, but she’s near impossible to dislike.  She’s fun, funny, and generally interesting.  She and I are probably more alike than not… which I don’t know how I feel about that.  It sort of makes sense.  I like to think I’d be better about my kids… and that’s all I’ll say about that.

I got a letter from the doctor today, I guess I forgot one of Alex’s appointments.  I was awfully mad at myself, because now we have to give them 25 dollars before the next appointment.  I guess it’s ok, since we got the cash aid, though it’s money we could have used elsewhere.  And I’m just pissy with my general lack of knowing when things are, and not paying better attention to this stuff.

I’m going to post.  I am really tired, though I’ve got a lot of caffeine… I just need to not think right now.  Maybe I’ll work on organizing these Disney swaps.  I finally found some I just don’t want, though I may have to take some apart for their pieces, because they’ve got some expensive things on them, embellishment-wise.  Maybe I won’t… I don’t know.  Anyway, I’ve got a pile going for putting in MAW books.  Hopefully someone else will like them better than I did.