1/3/09

Last entry I just had to make private. Sigh. I will send it to anyone I TRUST who asks. It’s about the kids and my frustrations with them… so maybe you don’t wanna know, lol. It’s just… well, more insight into me, I guess.

What I have really learned though, is that money, or the lack thereof simply doesn’t mean much to me. Oh, I have my needs, but at this point, I seriously have enough. Though I would not turn down another period of having money to spend freely, lol. I can think of a few things I would buy. Scrap room storage comes to mind, lol…. one track mind, that’s me. Of course, if I’d never had it, then I’d probably be singing a different tune… and truthfully, it never makes me madder not to have it than when I want to help a friend out, and I can’t… that’s something I used to do all the time. When Iget2beme got her computer stolen and they raised the cash to buy another, I was SO mad at not being able to help out, not even five bucks! I couldn’t spare it, I no longer have an account to link to paypal… ooooh, grrrr. But generally, I can see that I am fine, I am good, and I want for very little.

Anyway, I made it private because I admitted some things about myself that I’m not proud of, and I didn’t want anyone seeing that… so if I send it to you, it’s because I know you’re not going to judge me, not going to accuse me of being a horrible person. If you know me at all, you’ll realize anyway that’s not how I generally am as a person.

Anyway… I gotta quit dwelling.

B+

January 3, 2009

It’s ok. I don’t share all of my entries from the get-go here, either. For ever three public, two favorite… I have 1 private entry that has never seen the light of day.

Dazed Dahlia

May I have a reader’s password? I just breezed through last night/this morn so everyone would know I was still alive. Remember… we ALL have those days/weeks/months. RYN: Thanks hon. I’ll get through, I always do. It is just SO HARD to be in so much pain all the dang time; it really wears on a person. I’ll turn it around.

January 4, 2009

I have to find that entry… lol… once I write them, its like they have been purged from my mind…

You are NOT the only Mama that gets fristrated with her children. Trust me on that. Secretly……….Chad is gone to get Claire now and I am cringing at that thought of her being back home. I get sick sick sick of hearing how WONDERFUL her Mom is. Yeah well why did she kick you out????

I know, and I love that so many people are rooting for me, but the fact that unless I come out and say I am not, they jump to conclusion every time I say anything that equates to me feeling off. I’m nauseated, again… I don’t know what it is… no other issues… just hot and nauseous. It’s infuriating.