NoJoMo Day 11

Well, I ended up not getting to sleep until well after 4 a.m. despite heading for bed around 2:45.  I was hurting pretty badly from gas and despite taking gas-x, it wasn’t going away.  When I finally took two of them, it went away.  I haven’t been in that much pain in awhile, for which I’m grateful.  That HURT.  Oddly enough, it can feel like ovulation, because it seems like it’s on one side, radiating towards everything else.  But again, no other symptoms of ovulation, so I can pretty much rule that out.  I just need to be careful.  I do NOT want to get pregnant again.  It’s just hormones can play games on my mind.  I think someday I MIGHT like to adopt a Chinese baby girl.  We shall see.  If it’s meant to be…  the thing is, right now obviously, we have no money, I have a baby to care for, Sydni needs a lot of help with homework, as does Shabree.  Things are definitely too crazy.  But the process takes awhile, so some day I’d like to start it, knowing it’ll probably be a year and a half before it’s complete.  It’s worse than being pregnant, lol!  IF you can call any aspect of having a child "complete."  But I guess I meant more the adoption process as opposed to the pregnancy process rather than the process of raising your children.

I want to qualify something about yesterday’s entry.  I keep most of my thoughts about Sydni to myself.  Except of course that the attitude is wearing.  I just don’t want to leave her with the feeling that I don’t love her.  How much of it is attention getting?  She’s long been the middle child, her mother sort of abandoned her to our nanny, who then left finally… she’s always had me and her daddy in her life, but still.  She used to call Kim "Mommy"  Yikes, you know? We should never have allowed that, but if you knew Kim, you’d understand we were just trying to keep the peace.  Kim had moods too, and Syd probably picked up a lot of that from Kim, truth be told.  Don’t get me wrong, because I adore Kim, and her skills with babies simply amazed me.

Well, I think I’m going to wrap up this particular entry, short as it is.  It’s almost time for brunch, and so I want to have this entry done before then.  Plus I want to do a quick pump.  I gotta admit, I’m getting to where I could give all this up.  It’s so wearing… and since everything these days is wearing, it seems… it’s just one more thing I have to wonder about.  But I’m not quite ready to.