NoJoMo Day 3-Mojo all gone?

I sure feel like the mojo is gone.  But every time I write nojomo, I think of mojo.  It makes me laugh.  But then… we used to just generate money, and that ability seems to be gone.  The mojo is gone.

Oh, I know today’s prompt is if you knew then what you know now… what would you tell your younger self?  The list, I think is endless:

Younger self:

I know you won’t listen to this, because you already know it, but  you’re too depressed to be able to do anything about it, but please do better in school.  It’ll be a regret to you that you didn’t.  Get help for the depression while you’re still a teenager.

Don’t marry Gregg just to have someone to marry.  He’s a good man, but it just doesn’t work out, and I know you didn’t want to be divorced, so just don’t marry him. 

Moving to California will be the best decision you ever made, and I’m proud of you for having the guts to do it. 

Take something called goat’s rue during the last three months of your pregnancy with Shabree, and tell the nurses in the hospital, NO BOTTLES.  Go with Kaiser instead of the insurance you have, they’re more breast feeding friendly anyway.  Ignore what you’ve heard about Kaiser, they’re a good system, just go to the doctor early in the morning.

Don’t quit Apple.  Go part time and go back to tier one.  I know you’re burnt out, but you may need this job later.  On the other hand, quitting will be good for you in the long run.

*end*

I always said I was going to live with no regrets, and that’s sort of true, because really, you can’t go back and fix the past anyway, and each decision you make sets the path for the future, sort of like the butterfly effect.  I think if I hadn’t made the decisions I did, I wouldn’t be here today, and where I am….well, there ARE things I’d like to see changed, but honestly, I’m happy with my life the way it is.

Today got away from me.  Here it is 3 p.m. and I have no idea where the day went.  I slept a lot of it though, truthfully.  I have not been getting good solid sleep, so I am sleeping longer because of it, with awake patches.  I’ve been using the heating pad a lot today to try and up the milk production, because I am practically out of formula, and so I’m attempting to breastfeed more.  I have about half a can left, but it’s in the van, then I have some samples, maybe 2 or 3 quarts worth?  So I ate my oatmeal today, took some psyllium, will probably make up some Mother’s Milk tea, and try to breastfeed as much as possible, along with the heating pad.  Oh, and while she sleeps, I am pumping.  The thing is, even with breastfeeding constantly, it’s obvious that I’m really still not making enough for her.  I just gave her the last 4 ounces of formula in the can I had on hand, and will have to wait til Jerry gets home to give her any more.  She SHOULD be asleep though.  I even took a really hot shower to increase the milk production.  I’m not sure if it helped or not.  It seemed like it did, but I still had to give her some formula to get her to go to sleep.  Oh well. 

I keep thinking about my mom.  I finally quit crying.  Linda called, and she thought it sounded bi-polar.  I have to wonder a bit.  I still haven’t been able to speak with my dad about it.  He’s been saying something’s not right with her.  I don’t think I realized how much so.

Well, if I’m going to get this posted, I guess I’d better hit submit, otherwise it’ll be up on my screen all day/night.  Much as it has almost all of today.