5/4/08

I’m having a baby shower! Please visit:

http://www.webbabyshower.com/mullen/

Oh, boring day.  I grocery shopped.  It’s SO nice to have a little money again.  I got some GREAT deals on meat.  Food in this area is really high priced, or so it seems.  I guess that’s par for the course in California.  I try to do as much of my shopping as I can at stores like Wal mart, Costco, Sam’s club, Winco, which is a low price store.  I try NOT to shop at the "botique" type stores like Raley’s, because they are simply the highest in the area.  Of course, they are the closest too.  Well, wal mart is close, but it’s not a supercenter, so they’ve only got 3-4 aisles of food.  Which is fine when all you need is milk, which they have at a good price.  Actually, I noticed that I can save myself a 45-60 minute drive to the Super Center in Stockton, because they have most of what I want at our wal mart anyway.   And that store is close.  The rest I can get on sale at the other grocery stores.

Okay, that was a WHOLE paragraph about GROCERY SHOPPING.  I was telling an OD favorite, Do we live in a Seinfeld world, talking about nothing?  How does one write a WHOLE PARAGRAPH about grocery shopping?  Can anyone answer me that?  LOL!  And I titled this diary "This would make a good book"  WHO AM I KIDDING?  

LOL.  Okay, I have to admit, I amuse myself a TAD too much some days. 

So anyway, DH was watching this YouTube video last night after I got done writing my diary entry, and he says to me, "I think you’d like this, because you’ve talked about it before."  And it was something called "The Secret"  which I realized about oh, half way through, it was an ad to get you to go to the web site to buy their video.  Okay, fair enough.  There’s still some REALLY good information in the youtube video.  The web site it http://www.thesecret.tv 
It’s about the Law Of Attraction.  The law of attraction is pretty basic…. Thoughts are Things, and you create your reality based on what you think and feel.  So if you think negatively all the time, you bring yourself negative things.  If you think positively, you bring yourself positive things.  Well, that’s essentially what it boils down to.  It’s a TAD more complicated, because FEELING something magnifies it.  If you feel very intensely that bad things are going to happen, it gives those thoughts more power. 
I first heard about the Law Of Attraction YEARS ago in my first marriage.  
Sigh… DH mentioned I’ve been talking about my first husband a lot lately.  Oops.  Well, he didn’t mean it as a bad thing, just something he noticed.  The thing is… those years did make a big impact on me.  But more than that… it seems like a LOT of the things I learned during those years are coming back to me in the form of new people who have those beliefs, or like this law of attraction video, that was given to DH by our Mormon friend, Rick.  But to me, it was always this "metaphysical" thing that Christians wouldn’t buy into.  Maybe that’s a prejudice on my part?  Dunno. 
So anyway, I don’t know if I heard it from Gregg (first DH) or if he was channeling one of his beings, and THEY said it.  You must understand… we were told so many powerful and INTERESTING things during those channeling sessions.  I always felt Gregg was better at it than I, so I always asked him to do it, even though I could do it for myself.   I just know I have a Christian reader or two… though perhaps she avoids reading me now because of things like this, lol.  But I do have to say… when Gregg and I parted, so did that part of my life.  I still hold an internal dialog with God… and perhaps some of my own "beings of Light" for lack of a better term… but I can’t really separate out who’s who, because the information comes from a source of wisdom and intelligence (oh and LOVE), and I simply don’t CARE WHO it comes from, truth be told.  It’s NOT important to me.  When I ask a question, the only thing I check the answer for is does it make sense, and/or is it a loving answer? 
I think I mentioned a couple of days ago, probably in my Light vs Dark entry, that one of the ladies I read, who is a Christian, said to me, something along the lines that I’m talking to the Devil, or that the Devil is trying to tempt me… something LIKE that, because I outlined some of my beliefs, and one of them does happen to be that we probably reincarnate.  Though I’m told by a friend who has done a LOT of Bible study, that there ARE references to reincarnation in the Bible.  Mostly in the Old Testament… people would tell people that they were certain men "come again" or "resurrected"  They DID believe that souls revisited the Earth.  I’m also told however, that it was a debate that raged in that part of the world at the time to the truth of it.  Again, my OWN bible study is lacking, and I want a PHYSICAL book I can hold in my hands, because when I tried to print it out from the internet, my printer settings were set for my 12 inch printer, so I wasted AT LEAST 30 sheets of paper trying to print that thing out… and it was painful to see that much "money" running down the shredder.
Anyway… it feels like I’m being brought full circle around to my earlier "teachings" and beliefs.  In NOT wanting to somehow buck the system, or maybe just fit in better, I had turned my back on some of it, even while believing VERY much in other pieces.  I have been known to stick wishes and dreams into a green pyramid to help give them power, lol…  the ancient Egyptians believed pyramids have power, so what’s the harm?  Actually, we saw MANY of those things become reality, what we’d put in that pyramid.  I don’t know WHERE that thing is packed away now.

I’m on something of a ramble tonight.  I think what that gal said about the Devil really kind of bothered me.  I think it’s maybe more because it’s SO freaking closed minded of her to say.  WHY do Christians SAY that kind of thing on something as harmless as reincarnation anyway?  And SO WHAT if the Bible MIGHT be flawed?  Is the world going to come to an END if the Bible is flawed? 
I have to remind myself… she doesn’t read me back.  It’s a one way street.  She doesn’t note me unless I note her first.  So she doesn’t know the FIRST thing about me.  We aren’t friends.  And I’m not saying she hurt me or anything. 
I’m just feeling conflicted.  My diary is where I puzzle things out to myself.  I am the type of person who has to take her thoughts OUT of her head, rearrange them, and then put them back (as my DEAR friend Ellen once told me, YEARS ago, lol… she got SUCH a kick out of how I did it, too, lol)  So in lieu of having someone to talk them out to, I write them out. 
I THINK maybe I wanted to be a bit angry with her… How DARE she think that?  Well, I took it in humor instead.  Even my friend Linda, who is a Jehovah’s Witness was like "WHAT?" when I told her what she’d said.  I told her she really didn’t know me.  I laughed about it.  The very IDEA.
I guess I don’t quite understand why things are happening in such a way as to bring me back around to previous ideas, when for years, it was like, oh I don’t know, either the opposite, or maybe just a passive life living.  The Mormon boys have stopped coming by…  Jerry said he thought I’d run them off.  I hadn’t… I don’t know WHAT I said that they quit coming around.  Well, they came around once, and Jerry told them he couldn’t talk, I was napping, so they left and haven’t been back since.  I DID tell them I didn’t see myself going to ANY church.  PERHAPS a Catholic one, but somehow I doubt that too.  And only for the community, not necessarily for the message ;).  Oops.

Lately, my life has been a thinking one.  Maybe I’m supposed to be thinking about that Law Of Attraction again because I’m simply not implementing it in the ways I would like.   What I HOPE is that I…we are on the edge of a breakthrough.  All the money is running out, I don’t want to get a job, Jerry doesn’t want a "traditional" job… so we HAVE to make this deal a reality, no matter what.   Might be a good thing, lol. 
Another one of my faves was asking me about numerology the other night… and I’m going to have to go look at hat a cycle of 9 years actually is, and when it begins, because he pointed out a math problem in it… and that is that our first "year" of life is actually age 0-1… so a 9 year cycle would end at age 8… well, now THAT is a quandary, isn’t it?  Reminds me of the debate of when the millenium began, lol. 
Well, I did a search, and so far, I can’t figure it out.  Feel like I’m wasting my time, too.
And it’s almost 10 p.m.  Think I’ll wrap up.  I’m really not getting any answers for myself right now.   I’m just kind of going in rambling circles.  I’m sure there is a point to all this, and I’m sure it’ll be revealed to me.  Some day.