Why can’t I prove income?

Well… it’s mostly because there is NO income to prove!  We get 750 a month from renting out the old house (which is also in foreclosure and bankruptcy) and that’s it.  There are no paystubs, no tax returns, no IRS forms whatsoever… there has been no income, other than the sale of my stock shares last March, which is now pretty much gone.  I can prove the stock sale, but since the money is gone… well, what good does that do anyone?  Jerry doesn’t want to show our bank account statements.  I’m just going to write a note stating what the situation is right now, and hope for the best.  I’m KIND of running out of time, actually.  I’ve got about 4 months, give or take, til I give birth.  Due date is May 31st, June 1st, something around there.  TECHNICALLY, it’s May 31st, but I also got June 1st from the web sites,  However, last period was Saturday, Aug 25th, so Saturday May 31st seems to make the most sense… I think.  LOL

Now, the Mexico property….remember it?  The one we were going to buy like TWO years ago?  The one we put 100,000 down on, and never saw the light of day again on the deal, or the money?  Well, Jerry told them he was going to report it to the IRS as a loss, and lo and BEHOLD, they decided to go ahead and give it back to us.  Slowly.  They don’t feel they should have to give it ALL back, but if we can wait, they will.  I don’t really think they want the IRS knowing where they live, truth be told.  ;).  So we will probably get some money from that, but not til next month.
Then, on the phone with mom yesterday, she reminded me she gave me some stuff to sell, don’t want to say what… don’t want to say how much it’s worth, but it would keep us going for a few months anyway.  So that’s why I’m seeing light at the end of the financial tunnel.  Problem is, as always, that who KNOWS when we’ll have money next?  I’ve got to make that money stretch.  The other problem is that the hearing for the bankruptcy is at the end of this month, and we won’t have any of the money until at least the end of the month, but probably not until the first week of next month.  Which means…well, we might need money at the end of this month, and the beginning of next month won’t cut it.
Then, there’s just the fact that this house is WAY upside down… the payment on it is like 4000 dollars!!!!!  I was SURE Jerry told me it was 1500.  But now he tells me, no, it’s 4 grand.  OUCH!!!!!  He did say that this house payment was less than the old house payment, it is supposed to be fixed for 10 years then go to a variable rate.  And it was supposed to be a really low interest rate.  So I can’t really even figure out how the payment COULD be 4 grand.  And truthfully, I’m not sure WHAT to believe.  I guess I need to see the bill myself, or something…  anyway, I do know this…it’s worth about 50 grand less than what we paid for it.  I mean, hello…  WHY would we want to stay in a house that’s worth 50 thousand dollars LESS?  Gees.  Though I’m NOT keen on moving, as I stated in my last post… though it won’t be the end of the world, either.
So I’m left with quite a few issues.  One is okay, we’re getting money, GREAT… but I still lack insurance, and I still have to give birth.  And that assumes said money shows.  I can only count on the stuff mom gave me…it’s a bird in the hand.  Still, it’s only going to keep us going for a few months, and if I have to pay 1000 dollars for medical per month, then it won’t last at all… forget buying food, once again.  And I’m not sure how the extra income will affect Medi-CAL, though truthfully, I ONLY want it for the birth.  I do not care if I get one doctor’s visit beforehand… except of course, I would LOVE to know the gender, so I can figure out if I have to buy anything!!!   Like my mom said, and I’ve thought myself, women were giving birth for THOUSANDS of years before pre-natal care was available.  Sure, it keeps moms and babies from dying, and that is great, but it is NOT like this is my first baby, or even my second.  It’s not like I haven’t been through all of this before!  But I do worry about the birth, only because of the past complications.  It’s very true that if you’ve given birth to a breech baby before, that you’re more likely to have another, so okay, maybe a couple of dr’s visits to make sure the baby is in the proper position… and to determine the gender.  Still… not something I want to take away from food for the other kids, kwim?  It’s hard to say this, but the kids I HAVE are just a little more important than the one in my uterus.  It’s probably just because they are a known factor… and it’s hard to bond with a baby you haven’t seen… it’s not like you can tell personality from how much they kick!  Both Shabree and Sammi were strong little kickers, but I’d have never known that Shabree would be such an independent little brat (when it comes to doing dishes anyway ;)!  ) or that Sammi would be the cuddle MONSTER she is ;).  Or that Shabree would be the master of learned helplessness, or that Sammi would be fearless about going down slides at the age of 15/16 months, or that Shabree would walk at 10 months, and Sammi not until 12 months….  Or that they would look like twins practically (except for baby fat, where Shabree’s appetite and ability to inhale anything put before her would make her a roly-poly chubby cute little thing and Sammi’s turning down much of what’s put in front of her would make her a rather skinny cute little thing, lol.  I swear her toddler formula is the only thing keeping that kid from being skin and bones!)  I mean, who REALLY knows what’s in store for the next one?  No one, that’s who.  I love watching them grow up.  I’d have sworn Sammi would have surpassed Shabree in the walking department.  I don’t think I will EVER again say that the youngest will beat the older for anything.  I mean, Sydni, though not mine, talked, and well, before she walked.  We had to put Shabree in speech therapy (where she’s doing really well, btw)  I think Sammi will be fine in the speech dept, just because I read that babies who look at your face more do better with speech, and Shabree was always too busy with other things to look at anyone’s face…always fascinated by other things as a baby.  She rarely locked eyes with me.  Sammi still does it.  Plus, when she says STOP, it’s pretty easy to tell what she’s saying.  She’s a good communicator, lol.  She does not like her personal space invaded though, which is when you usually hear her say stop.  I kissed her today, she pushed me away and said stop.  Later on though, I got her to kiss me instead…  but then it was HER choice, and I’m sure that’s the difference.  I mean, she’s got 3 older sisters always in her face.
On the whole though, I think Shabree was a bit more happy-go-lucky than Sammi.

Wow, got off track there…
Anyway, I do care what happens to this baby, it’s just more that if I have to kind of pick between the kids I HAVE, and the kid to come, I kind of have to choose the kids I have.  Hopefully it just doesn’t come downto that, in the end.  Hopefully everything turns out all right.  I’ve just worried that I would end up having to have this baby at home, with no help, and I can’t say I’m prepared to do that.  Again, women have done it for thousands of years, though I KNOW they usually had someone to help them… a midwife or someone… even the village priest.  Shoot, what happens if my C-section scar for some reason decides to rip and I start bleeding uncontrollably?  Think I’m going to have enough time to get to the hospital?  No way.  What happens if my water doesn’t break and the baby swallows merconium? ( I do NOT know how to spell that, and spell check does not work for me)  Am I going to be able to clean it’s lungs and stomach out?  No.  Am I going to have time to rush to the hospital?  I don’t know!  What happens in the baby is breech?  YIKES!  There is just too much that can (and HAS) go/ne wrong.   Thankfully, my scar did not rip last time… but it sure was sore a few weeks after.  How can I not worry about this stuff?

Issue number two of course is just the instability my life has right now…  it would be much better if this could all play out at the end of June… when the baby is born, when the kids are out of school for the year, when I’ll be much more able to move, if need be.  Should I start packing up my scrap room now?  Man, what a HORRID thought!  How the HECK did I accumulate SO MUCH STUFF???  Not to mention, I AM holding out hope that I’ll feel like scrapping again soon.  I am looking at books and thinking it’d be nice to make some more progress on Sammi’s book, especially with the next one coming…   Oooh… yea, now there’s a highly motivating thought, lol.  Even if I just "slap something together" at least it’s done!  I should keep that in mind as things are unstable too… might have to pack everything up, and then who knows when I can pull it back out?  Better in the books than in a box!

I’m not sure what Issue number three is… my life should feel like it’s falling apart, and sometimes, it does, but for the most part, it doesn’t.  It’s hard to feel joy at being pregnant when I have no idea how I’m going to pay for it… that and it’s my third baby… the thrill is sort of gone at this point.  Quite a change from Breezy.  I guess issue number 3 is, what I do I tell the state if we get a pretty large cash infusion?  What then?  I’m trying to avoid running out of money completely and having to then apply for food stamps, etc.  If I have to pay for everything out of pocket, because supposedly I can pay for it… I don’t know, it just whittles away at my living money… the money that keeps us from having to get "real" jobs (LOL… not that I would mind completely having a real job, but there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot that fits with my skills… I need other/more skills so I can get a GOOD "real" job.  And being pregnant does seem to interfere with getting a "real" job)  It’s funny, or maybe ironic, that when we get to the end of our rope, that something does show itself so that we can sort of tie a knot and hang on, for a bit anyway.  I’ve REALLY got to put some things up on Ebay though… and I can now!  I almost forgot!  I was able to open a new bank account yesterday.  You could have knocked me over with a feather, but I don’t even think the guy CHECKED my credit or anything, because it was very easy to open an account, and it seems I already had an account with that bank in the past (which is weird, because I don’t remember ANY such thing!)  So now I have a primary account, an internet account, and a savings account!  It’s kind of weird, in a way.  But I am thinking, damn, I’d better get to it and get things on Ebay to sell, so I can get rid of some of this accumulation of STUFF.  We have so much stuff in the garage, none of it doing us any good just sitting there.  I’ve been kind of freaked out to try and put it on Ebay though, I have to admit.  And while I’m at it, maybe I should TRY to put some scrapping stuff on there (oh, I saw this really horrible premade page on there… no bids, but what amazed me was how great she thought it was… I’m laughing my head off.  I mean, I’m no great shakes, even though people generally like my style, at least people in my family do, lol…except for mom of course.  My style isn’t exactly what’s "popular" right now, I’m rather out of scrapbook fashion, lol, but this was BAD.  And I would have to say even I have more of a chance of selling something!)

Well, I’m getting tired.  I’ve been thinking about selling on Ebay for months, if not for more like a year now.  I just haven’t been able to bring myself to do it.  I’m a scaredy cat, lol… a HUGE one too.  I ought to just DO it.  I ought to look at it like my old flea market business, which I never made a profit at, but I had fun doing… and the fact is, something is better than nothing, and I’m likely to make more than if I sold it at a garage sale!  So… as the Nike ads go, just DO IT.

My wrist hurts…guess I’ll wrap up already.  I expect people want pictures…truth is, I haven’t been taking any lately.  I’m not feeling like it really.  I’m more of an "event" picture taker, and scrapper for that matter.  Mmm, I should show off some of the layouts I’ve made though… I like my paper layouts much better than my digital ones.  Well, definitely a project, and at that, a project for another day.