So much on my mind

Well, HOPEFULLY tomorrow we get some money.  It’s been MONTHS, literally that we haven’t had any money coming in, and if something doesn’t happen…well, we could lose the house.  The lights could get turned off (but not for another month, because DH just paid the bill to keep them on), we could lose our old house at auction, and it actually HAS some equity in it.  Jerry feels he is very close to closing a deal, but so far, NOTHING has happened.  It’s really kind of scary, and I haven’t been spending ANY money on anything, which I absolutely HATE.  There is this long laundry list of things I want, and I’m just waiting.  To top it ALL off, my camera, my best camera, broke.  We went to Walt Disney World in Feb (big mistake, but we didn’t realize til we got there), and on the way home, i went to take a picture of Sammi…she was asleep or something cute, and I couldn’t… the shutter wouldn’t open.  Now the camera has a big black mark in the lower right hand corner, but I guess I’m just glad I can use it at all.  The timing is just horrible, because I can’t afford to repair it or replace it.  I’d rather replace it, but it’s a thousand dollar camera.  It’ll probably be 400 dollars to repair it.  But I’ve had it for 3 years, so it’s done pretty good… I believe I’ve probably taken 50,000 pictures with it in that time.  I’ve lost count, but on average, I’ve taken about 20,000 or so pictures a year with it.  I LOVE that camera.  My new camera, I can’t find the battery charger for :(.  When we moved in here, I had it, now I can’t find it.  It’s driving me nuts.  Bec found her camera, but it doesn’t take very good pictures (which is why I gave it to her in the first place), AND it will just turn off for no particular reason I can see… so I have all these cameras, and they just all seem to be handicapped.

Man, if Jerry gets money tomorrow… IF… I mean, we’re stupid for even counting on it.  Jerry loaned some money to a client last year… something like 14,000 dollars…well, that’s what she owes us back anyway, so I don’t know if that’s the money plus interest or just the money.  That money would go a long way towards paying our bills and keeping us afloat, but not for long.  Anyway, this woman has been jerking Jerry around for weeks now, saying she had the money, she’d sent it today…well, tomorrow.  I mean, we were supposed to have this money WEEKS ago, so I bid on an Ebay auction thinking I’d pay for it when she paid Jerry, and that was March 11th, and she still hasn’t paid him.  Great.  Now what do I do?  I’ve got to pay for this stupid auction, which is some dinnerware to add to my old set, which I still love.  I’ve had them for over 10 years, but I STILL love the look, and I found a whole unopened set on ebay for 10 bucks (I’m getting screwed on the shipping, but I guess it can’t be helped, it’s expensive to ship that stuff)  So that wasn’t too bad for a discontinued set of dishes.  Not in my opinion.  Please, PLEASE let this money come in tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, enough of THAT.  Sammi’s doing really well.  She’s 6 months old now, and we’ve been feeding her "people food" for a couple of months now, off an on… we managed to find some Gerber food on clearance at wal mart for 25 cents a jar… carrots and then squash, so I’ve been feeding her squash, which she seems to LOVE.  I give her a couple of bites, then a drink of formula (hey, I get thirsty when I eat, why wouldn’t she?)  She’s sitting up on her own, and trying to crawl, but she still HATES tummy time, and spends most of her time crying when she’s on her tummy, even though if you put her on her back, she rolls right over to her stomach and starts crying!!!!!  I don’t GET IT… but whatever, at least she’s learning to crawl.  I am willing to bet walking will go easier and faster, because she doesn’t hate being on her feet, lol. 

Tomorrow we are getting a new cable modem.  Our internet connection has been SLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOWWWW. I FINALLY called (Jerry has been complaining about it for weeks… I don’t know why he just doesn’t call himself, but somehow all the stupid troubleshooting stuff falls to me, even though I hate it since doing ti for 8 years at Apple), and the cable modem turns out to be from 2004, and here it is 2007, and yea, the technology might just be a BIT old… ya THINK?  Thing is, they JUST replaced this modem, I think, last year.  We were still in the old house, I know that.  But it wasn’t 2004.  They could have given me a MUCH newer modem then.  Cheap bastards anyway.  They didn’t want to replace the original modem, the damn tech did something to solder something on that modem… I had to call them out AGAIN, and they finally replaced it.  Comcast really does suck.  I mean, I pay an extra 10 or something a month to rent the danged modem so that when it needs replacing I can get it replaced.  Hello, you don’t solder the modem… so I am just WAITING to see what B.S. the tech gives me tomorrow.  They don’t know what they’re doing half the time.  The last tech who came in here to set up the cable in the house couldn’t put it so I could route it through the house… I mean, I’ve got CAT 5 cabling throughout the entire house, and I wanted to take advantage of it, and I couldn’t.  A networking tech wanted something like 600 bucks to do it for me… Jerry said NO WAY.  Anyway, the stupd cable guy set it up on my PC, which I hate and never access the internet with, and it took me forever to figure out how to get it recognize the network so I could use the mac.  I still have one computer that can’t get on, because it doesn’t have an airport card and no way am I stringing a cable to hard-wire it.  The speeds have been driving Jerry crazy, so hopefully it gets fixed tomorrow.  We’ll see, and I should probably go to bed here soon so I am not a zombie tomorrow morning.  It’s 1:35 a.m.  I have NO idea who’s taking the kids to school, but I’ll bet it’s me.  Jerry hates taking them to school, says it puts  him behind by an hour and a half, but me, I have to get ALL the kids  up, fed, dressed, diapers changed, etc to take the 2 oldest to school.  UGH, I HATE it…. It wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for that fact.  And I get so little sleep as it is.  Sammi doesn’t sleep through the night (God, Shabree spoiled the HELL out of me, she was sleeping 6 hours a night from the get-go, but NOT Sammi.  Shabree LOVED to eat, and sleep… definitely her strong points, lol)  So I usually take the girls to school, then come home and go back to bed for a few hours, with Sammi.  Shabree watches tv…I know, bad.  But there’s not much else she can do.  I usually put PBS on for her, or Nick, which seems to have fairly educational programming  between Dora, Diego and Wonderpets (what kind of work?  TEAMWORK!  Okay, I LOVE Wonderpets!)  I really like PBS too, but good grief, so much of it seems to repeat.  I mean, how many times can you see the same "episode" of "Journey to Ernie" before you want to blow your brains out?  I don’t REMEMBER that from when I was a kid…. did things repeat so much then?  NOT that we HAD "Journey to Ernie" or even Elmo… and God, I miss seeing Kermit the Frog on Seasme Street, but he belongs to Disney now, and not to Seasme Street.  🙁  Why’d Jim Henson have to go and die on us anyway?  Him and Michael Landon… been watching reruns of Little House on the Prairie lately, can you tell?

Okay, I’m seriously ALL OVER the board here… it’s GOT to be time for bed.  Sorry about all the caps.  I’m just excited I guess, lol ;).  Strange how children’s programming will do that to you ;).  I will TRY not to be such a stranger, but honestly, I just have so many things to do, and I don’t keep this site bookmarked because I don’t want anyone knowing I post here.  It’s stupid, but since DH saw the one post I made, in a moment of BAD PMS, about wanting a divorce…well, he went nuts, and STILL hasn’t forgotten (nor forgiven, I don’t think), I’m really careful not to let him know I post anywhere…and that particular post was on blogspot, not here, so go figure.  But still, I have written things I just don’t want him to see.  So I forget to post, because it’s not right there in my face… I have to THINK about it.  Don’t ask me to THINK… my brain is still pretty mushy, though probably more from sleep deprivation than from hormones.

Oh yea, that reminds me… finally got my period on Friday, 6 months after having the baby.  That, combined with two very sharp teeth, mean I will now stop breast feeding.  I’m tired of getting BIT by the little monster.  I mean, it HURTS when she bites my nipple, and she bites hard.  She’s also very grabby, so she’s always pulling my hair, and today or yesterday, she grabbed my nipple.  I think that kid is after blood, or something…. she’s ALWAYS hurting me.  Today, she grabbed my nose, and scratched it up good with her little nails.  OUCH.  So yea, done with breastfeeding and can’t wait til the whole grabby thing goes away.. that can happen anytime now, for sure.

I’m going to bed, it’s almost 2 a.m.