8/28/06

I set out a couple of times to write an entry today, and just never got around to it.  So it’s 1:30 a.m., a.m. on Aug 29th, but I want this to read Aug 28th anyway, because I’m still up.  I couldn’t sleep, so I went and started a load of laundry and folded some towels, and I suppose tomorrow I will TRY to clean up.  I don’t feel like I made significan progress on my scraproom today… I have a bunch of Disney stickers and things floating around and that section of my scraprack is just filled to the max… I’m going to have to re-sort it out and try to get it into some semblance of order.  Then, I need to actually USE some of that stuff to scrap.  I have got a TON of Disney things, and swaps that are hanging out in various boxes.  I’ve got a lot of pictures printed out from various Disney trips, so I really ought to scrap them.  And as much swap stuff as I have, it REALLY shouldn’t be all that hard!  I just get Disney’d out by the time I finish working on my swaps, and the last few days have been spent cleaning up and organizing instead of scrapping… which is fine, IF it were going faster, but it’s not… and it’s driving me nuts.  Well, I didn’t have the scraprack all that well organized in the first place, and I always promised myself "one of these days" I’d reorganize it properly… and now seems to be the time. 
I shouldn’t have Bec try to help me though… she dumped a bunch of stuff out of one of my spinders, and just left it laying all over the bed.  Tomorrow, I have decided that they will clean up.  I have already done a bunch of stuff for them tonight… tomorrow they need to get all the little junk off the floor, which I am having difficulty doing these days… and vacuum, and clean the countertops (I MAY do that myself when I finish up this entry, though truth be told, I AM finally getting tired.) 
Sydni… how many days do we have to have a problem?  She helped herself to my mint chocolates that are in the freezer.  When I asked her about it, she fessed up easily enough, hugging me and apologizing in the process.  I let her continue to play, ONLY because she was honest, and at bedtime, we had a talk about her recent behavior, why she’s doing it, why it’s a problem, and how she might do better next time.  I told her she’s an attention hound, and I asked her, what could you do that would give you more positive attention, instead of negative attention?  I asked her if she enjoyed being in trouble… no (of course not…who does?)  I asked her if it felt good inside?  No  (well, thank goodness for that, her conscience is working like it’s supposed to)  I reminded her that she got a LOT of good attention yesterday when she cleaned the closet in my bedroom… her daddy can walk in it now, and he was very happy with her for doing that.  Yesterday was a pretty good day.  Bec told us though, that she’s the most helpful… I called her into my bedroom tonight when my bed was still a mess, and told her to remember this the next time she wanted to say (brag) that she’s the most helpful.  She had said this when it was decided she would go to the office with her daddy to help Brian with Kassandra.  I’m not sure how much detail I’ve gone into about THAT situation, so let me TRY to surmise.  Kassandra is Brian’s daughter from his marriage to Arlina…. he’s been in a custody battle for pretty much all her life, I have to say.  Kassandra will be 3 next month.  She’s an odd one, but I suspect she is autistic, and I’m uncertain as to why no one is having her tested.  I’ve told Brian time and time again that I think she’s autistic, he agrees, he’s talked to people involved, but still, I see NO movement to get her tested or checked, and since I KNOW now is the time to work on it to get her higher functioning, I worry that they’re not moving fast enough.  She has absolutely no words, she doesn’t really play wtih my kids when she comes over… she’s content to play by herself, but she gets into things (Brian!  Watch your kid already!  Gees!) and makes a lot of messes.  Since they come over here almost every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday for part or all of the day, it’s starting to seriously stress me out them being here.  If it wasn’t for Nancy, I’d be like, HELL NO.  But she always does something to help when she comes over… usually it’s for the girls, but she’s promised to help me as well.  But they actually didn’t come over these last couple of times, because they’re working on Freedom Solutions files for Brian, and trying to get the QuickBooks files righted… that’s a LONG complicated story, because Freedom Solutions was a complicated business that was always rather hard to define other than "we bought properties in foreclosure"  However, each property was different, the finances were different, NOTHING was ever the same.  So it makes it hard to track in a database like QuickBooks.  So Nancy has a friend who’s an accountant, and he came into town to help them figure out the books for F.S.  I’m just glad I was "stuck" at home with Shabree (lol…) because otherwise, I would have had to help with data input… oh God, I hate data entry, so much… it’s mind numbing boring, and hard on my brain… it just fries me, and with pregnant brain, I can just SEE how well that’d go over… but I’d just piss Jerry off trying to explain why NOW is NOT the best time for me to be doing this… So yay for being "stuck" at home…   Okay, okay, I’m BAD… it’s just that Jerry is SO good at sticking me with shit work, and I’m so glad for the most part to be home with the kids… I mean, YES, they drive me nuts… but I’m still happy to be at home and have some freedom to choose what I do… I really don’t mind the constant demands to be read to by Shabree, and I can let the bed being left a mess roll off my back… I’m glad it’s ME teaching Sydni about right vs wrong instead of someone else… Okay, so I’m horrible with the whole cleaning aspect of staying at home… I need to find a housekeeper (oh yea, the woman I had arranged to come today, called, and said there was no one to take her kids to school… FLAKED, DARN IT!!!!)  And right now, I need a break… I need some time away… I mean, this job is constant, so that should be normal.  To my mind, I’m not even sure I SHOULD take a break.  Well, I probably should, but I don’t think i’ll get more than like a Friday night crop, so I will content myself with that.  I guess, I just sort of think of this "job" as an extension of myself.  I stress out, but NOT like I did with F.S. or Apple (there at the end anyway… up til about year 6, I still really loved working for Apple…years 7 and 8 were just filled with burn out, and by the time I left, it was TIME, it needed to happen)  I will admit, I prefer having the kids one on one… together, they just bicker constantly, and that drives me more crazy than anything… and so long as I don’t ask them to do ANYTHING… because once I do that, I’m stressed.  It doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen fast enough, they are doing something OTHER than what they’ve been asked… I just want to shoot them.  That is when I really start losing it, and start yelling.  I HATE it when they can’t even finish something simple, like the dishes… and it would just be easier to do it myself… cursing them all the way.  This is NOT the way I want to live, hence needing a housekeeper to keep me calm… it’s just not good for the kids, but they’re so NOT helpful anyway… I’d much rather just have the peace… who cares about the future consequences?  We’re just going to quit paying them an allowance for things they won’t be doing anyway…. that’s money that will go to pay the housekeeper.

Laundry is beeping, better go move it to the dryer.

I guess I’ll quit for the night… as soon as I put the laundry into the dryer, I have to decide if I want to do some more work or if I’m finally wound down enough to go to bed… sigh… I’m really NOT appreciating my body these days, doing this to me… and I THINK I forgot to take my medication today, so I may be getting into something of a mood 🙁  I hate my moods.

More tomorrow.  Maybe.