The past

Three days left, it was almost the end of my holidays. This morning, I didn’t really want to wake up, I wanted to stay in bed to have more sleep as it was so cold outside. I felt a bit dizzy when I woke up, thinking how it would be like if I really have to wake up to work on this Thursday early morning.

Anyway, after I wake up, I turned to the computer as usual. I was looking forward to an email these every single day but I was disappointed again and again. It has been several days already. I wondered, I started to wonder if what I was doing was wrong. As I mentioned earlier in OD, I sent e-cards to email friends and got their response which made me happy. The story continues with me replying quickly on the Boxing Day but didn’t get any further response so far. 

Then I came to realize something, maybe I shouldn’t send them emails telling them how nice it was to reconnect them after so many years and how much I missed the old days writing to them,  this and that, and I told them about my recent life too. I have to admit that it was really nice connecting with them again, but connecting at the same time can also mean waiting. I was all the way waiting for their reply everyday, feeling so uneasy and so unpleasant. Oh what am I doing? How come I made myself having this unplesant feeling in my holiday? If I never send out emails and never expect to have any repsonse, then it would be better and I can still carry on with my days as if it was nothing happened. Now it seems I create a problem, create sadness for myself. I was so silly.

Maybe it was only me who missed the old days and who dare to send out mails to tell everyone how much I miss them, but actually they may not think the same. The world is changing everyday, and I can’t expect people won’t change like me. And because of being polite, after they see my email, they kindly reply me, saying things like thank you very much for your e-card and I was very surprised to get your email, things like that. Then it came to a full stop and no more writing… 

Sometimes when I sat down quietly and looked at the past, I missed those days a lot. I wanted to go back to the past, to reconnect with the old friends, but at the same time, I’m afraid it will spoil the percious memories in my mind if they don’t reply me nor they have already lost the mood writing to me. Therefore, I dare not reconnect with them. If I never get in touch with them, the good memories can be stayed in my heart forever. It was a dilemma, isn’t it? What should I do either to find the past to continue the happiness or just carry on with my days and accept past is past that may not be possibly to happen again? What do you think?