The most terrible night

My last day of holiday was spent in the karaoke room yesterday and it was quite happy. I sang a lot of new songs especially those in Jade’s concert. Wow what a lot of songs! I sang almost the whole concert. We sang for about 4 hours and at night we came to see a movie. However it wasn’t very interesting, maybe I was not into the movie since I was worrying about the work all the way in the movie. It just popped up into my mind that I couldn’t control. Back home, I listened to the radio before sleep, looking forward to have a good sleep for tomorrow’s work, but then I had my most terrible night in my life.

It was already 2 pm announced by the radio but I was still not able to sleep in. My mind just kept thinking about tomorrow’s work without having a single moment to rest. A lot of details and nightmare popped up into my mind. I was worring about the work, about the kids, about the teaching, about the arrangement, about the preparation, about the bad treatment that I used to have before the holiday (which I guess was the main point). Everything seems to get back to me within less than 5 hours. I was so worried. For the whole night, I forced myself to sleep for hundred times but it didn’t work. I was still awake. Finally it was 6 – the time that I have to get up for work. Oh my God. I never slept last night.

It was the most terrible night that I ever had in my life. I have heard so many times that people are talking about their sleepless nights. Now it was the first time I experienced it by myself. It was really awful and terrible. You can do nothing for it. I know it is the anxiety who gives me a sleepless night. But it is not the kind of anxiety that normal school kids would experience for fear of school. It is a problem, an illness, a kind of mental illness because of work pressure. I remember last time somewhere before the holiday I had a sleepless night that my heart was kept beating faster for the whole night. I guess it is much or less the same thing. I start to worry about my health. What should I do? If it is really a matter of mental illness, it will be awful to suffer it once every night before returning to work. It would be really awful and abnormal and I can’t really allow myself to suffer in every holiday. What should I do? Should I go for a physical check up or consult the psychological doctor?