taste in men.

tonight we hit the lanes.

ours was in the back corner away from the rest of the pros.

i was rocking the place. then a group of about eight to ten drunk 30 something year old men arrived in the vacant lane beside us. they were halarious. i couldnt help but to keep looking at them. so intriuging. who would ever imagine a group of older men sitting atround and planning to meet eachother at the bowling alley at ten for a game and some beers. to me that is just amazing. they were just out to have a good time.

the one man in particular… reminded me of a certain guy who changed how i look at men. yet somehow.. i was immensely drawn to him. i kept throwing little glances here and there. and caught some that i was recieving. its weird the feeling i got though. like this man.. could quite posibly be my soul mate. ha. how ridiculous does that sound? seriously? that in a dingy NJ bowling alley my soulmate was throwing back coors lite and striking pins, while i sat there starry eyed and throwing gutter balls. uh-huh. haha

goodness. what is wrong with me? haa.

i think i might be watching too much SEX AND THE CITY.

such a good show. seriously, i think that show is under-rated… such great concepts, and executed wonderfully if i may say so myself. but for some reason or another.. their ways of thinking.. and their worries in life..  are creeping into my thought process. maybe not. im too young for all that crap.

eff TV.

and eff my perception of  men.

im sure there is someone worth while.. that isnt COMPLETELY full of shit.

i just need to open my eyes. and not something else. haha. no one will get that.

i suppose thats better off though. hm.

this evening i re-read the bell jar for abouth the 12th time, in the past 2 years. and even reading severeal lines from that book, put me in my place. back to when i was locked up for 4 months, torn insides, and hopeless. it pulled me out. shed some light. interesting how her downward spiral uplifted me so much.

i suppose its her writing style. she makes the most stressful and terrible situations… beautiful.. life altering. lessons to be learned. i wish she could just crawl in my head and write all this down for me. she would perfect my thought process  i believe. my thoughts flow much better when i dont attempt to write or speak them. everything meets accordingly with their own little frequencies in my brain. unfortuneately… telepathy is not common among my friends and family members, so i must make do with my speech and writing patterns. i hope they dont sound as terrible as i imagine them to.

goodness, whatever am i rambling on about anyway? uhh. i need rest severely.

i have some new bruises, and muscles ache that i wasnt even aware existed.

oh well. that was … riveting.

 

hah.

 

love.love