its your lack of taste

i miss the days, when i was ignorant. and young, and the only thing that mattered was what was in front of me, which path i was going to run down in the woods, what bug i was going to catch, or what i could help mom do around the house. but now i barely have time to play in the woods, and catch bugs, but plenty of time to clean house. but i am all the wiser. so i suppose its an even trade. isnt it?

so lonely, cold and stern. not really.      its perfect.  every single aspect.

its such a nice thing to have. memory. memories. things that trigger them. songs, smells, places, things.

and  the sad part is you can never entirely share them with someone. they can never know what they were really like, dispite how accurately you may describe, every detail, every molecules placements, the scents, the sights, the sounds… it will never be what you experianced. maybe theres a reason for that.

i kind of like having things to myself. secrets.

tomorrow is my moms birthday.

and i dont think ill be able to see her. that kills me, its a big day for her. and this isnt fair. i cant see my own mother on her birthdy because i will be watching alexis and savanna with no means of transportaion for all three of us, welll legally speaking. its just not fair.

i miss her so much. and she lives almost a half hour away, thats not so much if you think about it, but its worlds away. i can always be happy with myself .. in my own little orld, then i start feeling bad for others, their feelings and their outlooks, and that just makes me so sad… so sorry for them. and it almost sweeps me up. but its okay. everything will be okay. i know it will, i just wish there was more i could do. and im going to try that much ahrder starting now. i have the secret and have been practicing for severeal days if not weeks, once i perfect my thought patterns, i will shift the lives of others.

i am going to try desperately.

i wish i could thnk everyone who has impacted my life, but to list them would be endless, and i fear i may leave some out, i know i would, for even the most insignificant of people have changed me.

thank you. everyone who has actually taken the time to read this, or anything i have written for that matter.

love.love