^this side up^

im failing my junior year. something i swore i wouldnt do. but i dont really care so much. odd, maybe its because i know when i move out west next year, my grades wont mean a damn thing. just how i can move my hands. and move my brain, no problems there.

this whole situation … turns me. insides out.suffocating, yet liberating. ill be free from this eastcoast puppetshow. but its so perfect. i already miss being here. im forcing in every molecule around me, pressing it deep in my nerves, i dont want to forget a single breathe. but i so desperately want to see endless skylines, taste that sweet arizona night air. the climate, the people, the scenery, the scene. NEW.

my mom might move out there with me. we can start over. maybe even my sister.

i can come home to a home. a family. thats all i really want in life. is to come home to a family. my mom cooking dinner. people asking how my day was. anything really. im already living on my own in a sense. i come home to a silent dead excuse for a house. make coffee, make dinner. wake up dave. he goes to work. and here i sit. nothing. its so dull and lonely here. i just hope that the people who have families appreciate that. its all i really want.

     "the west is the best"     "get here and we’ll do the rest"

as of recently, when i am home, i feel these little bodies crawling all over my flesh, and i look, and nothing. feels like ants are crawling on me. it freaks me out sometimes.

gut wrenching – i use that a lot. heh. i guess i like it.

not as much as i like apples and ginger snaps.

nobody seems to dig these rambling entries. ha. hm. all apologies.

la la la.

love.love