5 days annd counting lil emotional

Today in church Pastor had ROG come up to the altar to bless us and stand in agreement with us in prayer as well as the church standing in agreement with us.

I could feel the opposition. It was cool when we were being prophesied too and when we get up on Sundays and minister and basically go hoarse EVERY SUNDAY,  but the more that things come together the envious ppl that we THOUGHT had our backs as far as support and encouragement and prayer have litterally shown a completely different side. So when we first went up for prayer I was skeptical when Pastor asked the church to stand in agreement. But then I just had to focus on God and stand firm and not be afraid to do what God has called us into.

The prayer was good. Really good. I went into an individual prayer and the closer I could feel that I was reaching into the presence of God the more alone I felt. I began to feel as if I needed a hug. A hug that only one person in this natural world could give me but she wasn’t there to give it.  I needed my mother. I don’t know how to really describe this but whenever I go into the presence of God and feel as if I have entered the throneroom these random issues of the heart arise like a wave. Well, this wave I felt like I just wanted the hug of my mother. I can’t even remember when being alive her ever hugging me though. She would try to be affectionate with me and I always pulled away. We just weren’t close so where was all of this coming from? I wanted to get up off the ground and go to my aunt for a hug but I couldn’t move. The more I would pray and cry I could hear this tugging in my spirit saying ‘don’t move,  stay here with me……’.  I used to have crying episodes about my mom the first couple of years after she passed but when I allowed her spirit to be free and let her go home, as she kept asking me to do when she would visit me in my dreams,  I stopped having those episodes. Today it’s like a wave that comes and goes. I think I need to call my daddy. He’s not very sentimental or anything but I don’t really wanna talk to anyone else. I kinda feel like this is a great moment in my life and I don’t have my mom or my grandma here to share it. Now that I think about it I don’t really think I want to talk to anyone about it but God. I think I need to go pray. I’ll holler at you guys later.

~He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.~

Proverbs 25:28

~I pray the desires of my heart flow with His Will.

Ronnie (OD member)