Have to get it out before I get too busy

I haven’t had a chance to really write because I’ve been super busy.

The enemy is really attacking my husband upon his job but we are praying against that devil and envious people making him work and denying his vacation even after he has worked a month with no off days 10-12 hours a day. He has been missing church and just wore out. But it;s more mental than it is physical. He’s missing my babies football games and this job is really wearing him down. It also puts a heavy load on me to do everything and almost function like I’m a single mom or something because I never get to spend time with him. One of our elders pulled us to the side after prayer Tuesday to give us a Word from the Lord. The enemy is trying to take him out and we need to pray together as often as we can. He said he’d seen some things in the spirit and some activity in the spirit going on @ Quincy’s job where they are trying to oppress him if nothing else than because he is a christian. And this is soooo true. They make him work overtime to cover for other guys because they want to get drunk and go bowling and hang out all night so that they don’t have to come to work in the morning they make Quincy work. Just recently Quincy asked to have the weekend of our anniversary off so that we could get away like we always do and they told him no because someone else was getting married that weekend and they need him to cover. OK. Well how about since we can’t have our anniversary weekend off what if we take the week before the anniversary? He put his request in a month ago asking for today off. They told him Wednesday that they denied the vacation because the guy that’s getting married is having a bachelor party this weekend and most of the people he works with will be going and so they’ll probably be too drunk and hung over to come to work this weekend. ANd not only did they deny his vacation day they scheduled him to work Saturday and Sunday 10 hours!  Mind you we can’t get that next weekend off either. I am so mad about all of this. And it has literally taken the wind out of his sails. He found out the weekend after our anniversary he can’t take off either because they are having a company golf tournament and those that signed up for it are going to be scheduled off so that they can make it so guess who has to cover those people? HIm. So that will make 2 full months of working 10-12 hours a day with NO OFF DAYS! UGH!

 So right now I have his resume and we are looking for a new job for him. This is ridiculous!

THen I messed around and got on the scale this morning.  Why oh Why did I do that.. I said that I’d sworn off becoming a slave to the scale and that I would just eat right move more and measure myself. Well eating right and moving more is not working right now. I’ve gained another 5 lbs! so that makes a total of 55lbs gained!  I can fit virtually NOTHING in my closet right now. so that means I’m 30 lbs away from my old starting weight! This is so disappointing. How did I let the stress of this JOb allow me to gain 55 lbs in 8 months? I mean my frame can’t even handle all of this weight. I’m out of breath just walking up stairs or long distances. My back hurts and my knees hurt all the time. I even have problems in my private areas. It’s like now that I’ve had this huge regain I can FEEL and SEE the differences that I never noticed before.  Around this time last year I was RUNNING 3-4 miles every morning. I was in a size 16 and going down. Now I can’t even think about fitting a size 16 or an 18. I’m in a 22. I just got off of the phone with Quincy and told him about it and that I was mad and he confirmed the very thing that I knew but I am still trying to figure out what to do. He said, " babe you have to realize it’s not all those diets that you keep trying to adapt to. That is not working. You need to go back to working out and going to the gym. You are not even the same person anymore. Before your attitude was so much brighter like you felt good about yourself and you had such a positive outlook on life. If I have to go out and BUY you a membership somewhere I will and when you drop the kids off at practice you go to the gym and sneak in a 30-60 minute workout."  I can tell the difference too. Like even in ministering in church I’ve kinda sunken back a little because of my size. I avoid running into certain people so I stay away because of my weight. And I wonder….. WoW was I like this BEFORE? I don’t think I was because I was not so AWARE of my weight.  I hate hypothyroid! I hate it with a passion. My mom was petite,  she was a cute little thing at her highest only weighed about 170 lbs and that was REALLY HIGH for her. Her average weight was 130. My dad on the other hand weighs close to 400 lbs. Try balancing those genes out lol……… So I know I have to have strict discipline. That is what got 80 lbs off of me the 1st time and some how some way I have to get back to that. I refuse to got into my 30th birthday @ my very first starting weight. I didn’t think I was gonna have to go back to all this journaling and stuff but I guess I’ll be counting calories and journaling the rest of my life to fight this crap.

~He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.~

Proverbs 25:28

‘I grew up penecostal and I now attend an apostolic church, but I have long ago taken off the denominational boundaries. I’m sick of religion and tradition. I’m more concerned about relationship with God through Jesus Christ.’

~me