This and That…

Well, the adjustor came yesterday. He is a contractor for the insurance company. He said it would be a near thing as to whether they total the car or not. I almost hope they do. I have figured it they actually give me what the car is worth and with what I will get from selling my husbands car, I can afford to by a new car and I will feel much safer in my travels.  But, for the moment, until I hear from the claims people, it is out of my hands.

I’m in far more pain, far longer than I thought I would be. This is getting very old. I went to the grocery store today out of pure necessity, I was simply out of everything from coffee to toilet paper. It almost did me in. I ended up bringing in the refrigerator stuff and waiting until Hannah (the college girl that lives with me at the moment) got home and she brought in the rest, plus the large bags of cat and dog food that I had gotten. Yes, both the cats and the dog were both completely out of food. I cannot tell you when that has happened. I’m usually so much more on top of this kind of stuff….*sigh*

The adjustor visit prompted me to call my oldest son last night to talk about options. At some point in conversation, I broke down and began to cry. I apoligized to him, since I HATE doing that and he was actually very understanding and told me that he had had a total melt down on Friday night himself. This is the first time he has actually talked to me about how he is feeling…at least in specifics…Usually, I ask how he is doing and he says "fine" or "good days, bad days", and leaves it at that. Then I ask his wife and she tells me what is really going on.  Last night, I asked him about the breakdown and he told me that being at his Uncle in laws house, brought back memories and comparisons. I knew what he was talking about…when he and his wife were first dating, before he was introduced to her parents in Wisconsin, they made a trip to Florida to meet her Aunt and Uncle. They are almost like second parents and her aunt had been struggling with cancer for 10 years. She had 11 year old twin boys that she was fighting to stay alive for. They were fortunate enough for her to be able to travel the world looking for treatments and cures. She was given 2 years and lived 10, much like Farrah Fawcett (different type of cancer) but fighting all the time to stay alive for her kids. She endured many painful treatments and was at their school open house that night, or at their ball games, by sheer force of will.  This made a huge impression on my son.  Being in her home, and comparing her desire to live for her children and what his father did made him lose it.  His exact words to me were "Brenda fought so hard to stay alive and Dad couldn’t even wait until I came home in July".  The bitterness was palbable in that statement.  We talked a bit and I gently reminded him that mental illness is sometimes fatal as well, and he did say that on good days, he can definently see it that way, but not that day.  He also said that as much as he is looking forward to seeing me and his grandfather and his friend, he is not looking forward to being in this town, in this house. I’m meeting them in Dallas for a day or two at the beginning of his 10 days here and we are going to OKC to spend several days with his brother, who is taking vacation time. I think we will be here at this house a total of 3 days, much of that will be taken up with doing some things around here I need doing. So, he will be busy. I hope it will get easier for him.  But, it adds to MY anger, because I realize that this is another price I am paying for HIS action. 

But, the good news is that at least we are talking honestly with each other again. It feels much better than the trite stuff that has been happening. So, I will be grateful for small mercies. I hope that he can find some peace in this time of vacation and rest. He needs it…we all do. At least he is getting to spend part of it at a beach house in Florida!

I’m heading to bed…I hope y’all all have a good week! I’m going to try really, really hard and try and get some things accomplished. Tomorrow I’m taking on the tag agency to change the titles on the cars…for the third time. Somebody better know what the heck they are doing this time!