Everything all at once

I seem to be having a period of insomnia currently, and when I do sleep I have terrible dreams where the dog can’t walk or John is a drug dealer who gets shot and dies and I have to go into witness protection! It would seem the middle of the night would be the perfect time to write but I can’t seem to focus my thoughts.

I can’t even remember what was going on when I wrote last. My family are on holiday. I am not. I’m home with the dogs, amazingly Sam made a miraculous recovery. He had parvo virus, a virus that is usually fatal. In turn that caused heart failure, as it’s known to attack the heart valves. He also had aspiration pneumonia. Noone knows how he survived, not even the vet by us, or the cardiologist vet that he acquired at the animal hospital. But he’s home, and entirely back to normal. He’s absolutely the dog with nine lives, he’s had so many things wrong with him and seems to recover everytime with no ill after effects.

Laura and dave’s wedding is this Saturday. We’ve had the English hen party, a lovely relaxing spa afternoon, a tacky pink limo over to Liverpool, which she loved, and cocktails galore. It was great to catch up with all the girls from our holiday, three of whom actually ended up staying at my house. So now we’re all excited for the actual wedding! We had a fun night out this weekend gone for ria’s birthday, which turned into a lot of Laura hugging me as if getting married means she’s never going to see me again! When in actual fact, absolutely nothing is going to change other than she’s actually married to rather just living with Dave. They have no plans for children yet, they don’t even have their honeymoon sorted. But I suppose psychologically it must be incredibly daunting, especially for Laura who struggles to self validate and needs approval from people for things she does. She’s been wobbly about the dress, which is stunning, because she’s worried that people will think it’s too big, and too blingy, and because I didn’t cry when I saw her in it. In my defence I was working nights, and barely held it together, but we all know if I start crying, there’s no stopping me!

In actual fact, I’m a big fan of dave’s. he’s a lovely guy, he worships her to death, he’ll happily tell anyone she’s the princess he’s been waiting for, and the worst thing he’s ever done to her is her blind drunk, fall asleep on his friends kitchen floor and not text her or answer her calls cos he was incapable! And to give him his dues, he knew he’d pissed her off so badly that he whisked her away for a romantic break by way of apology. I literally can’t talk about this wedding without crying, I’m so happy for my best friend. I have older friends, but Laura has without doubt been my best friend. She’s the first person I called when mum was sick. She’s the first person I call when I have a boy drama, or when I have a boy triumph! I’m crying writing this. God help me on the day!

What else – work. Allegedly my contract is sorted. I can’t even remember whether I’ve written about this. Basically one of the girls has emigrated to Australia. I’ve been employed on a temporary contract since I started, two years ago (! Where has THAT time gone?!). It was always intended that I would have Jerry’s contract when she emigrated, and she has now gone. Which is a bit bittersweet because I loved Jerry, she was hugely talented as a nurse, very knowledgeable, and so gentle, and compassionate. Truly someone who inspired me. So to be filling her job, it’s stepping into big shoes.

So anyway, once she had her emigration date, talk began of my contract. As far as I had been told, it was all sorted. Until the matrons sent another nurse, with no haem experience, to fill the job. My ward manager went mental, and needless to say it was soon sorted that the job was in fact mine, and she had an email confirming this. All sorted? You’d think, until she then told me she’d had an email from the matrons saying they wanted her to advertise the job and interview. She kicked off big time again, and said she didn’t understand why they were making her interview when it was a formality because she was always going to give the job to me, and if I hadn’t proved my worth after 23 months then she didn’t know what else I’d have to do! There’s some kind of rule that the management aren’t obligated to give you a job if you haven’t worked there for 24 months because you haven’t proved yourself an essential staff member or some bullshit. So apparently my contract is being posted out to me – again something I will believe when I see it on my doorstep and have signed the thing. Too many things have gone wrong for me to take this for granted!

And then there’s John. A constant, making me smile, making me happy, making me content and secure. Really, what else is there to say about the boy?! Laura said I could marry him, she said she thinks he’s the one for me, she knew the first time she saw us together. He’s coming to the evening of her wedding, he’s anxious because he knows two of my exes will be there. He’s anxious because all my friends will be there. The fact that he’s worrying is so cute, when he has nothing to worry about. Exes are exes for a reason, and it’ll do neither of them any harm to see me happy, just as all John needs to know is that neither chris nor andy made me happy, or considered me, or prioritised me, and John gives me things I want, and things I didn’t even know i wanted or needed.

So lots going on. I’m off work this week, laur’s at a conference so I’m the go to girl with anything wedding related should she need me, although she’s rather organised in a non bridezilla way! We’ve got nails and hair and make up and all things girly, flowers and rehearsals, and a whole week of weddingy stuff that’s going to stretch my emotions to the very limit!

Xx