events

 i started writing an entry earlier this week then managed to lose it, which was irritating.

my mum had her bone marrow biopsy on monday, hopefully it’s the last. she’s finished all her maintenance treatment, two years worth, so all being well this bone marrow biopsy will just confirm that she’s still in remission, like she has been since her high dose chemo.  i still have moments where i get down about the whole thing, where i just sit and have a little whinge to myself.  obviously this is something that will stay with me forever, and has scarred me for life, not in a melodramatic way but in an actual genuine, deep down, scar upon my heart kind of way.  but it’s all good, it’s all positive, and although the threat of relapse is always there it’s something we just have to live with and try to ignore unless it becomes a reality.

her and my dad are not seeing eye to eye at the moment.  she had her bone marrow, she’s had physio on her knee, and she’s been to the doctors about a rash she has on her face and chest, which is as yet unexplained.  my dad threw a fit when he came in last night because my mum was helping my sister highlight her hair when he got back from germany and she wasn’t sat waiting for him.  basically he’s selfish, and he’s been spoilt during their marriage.  working away in dubai, and now germany, has given my mum a lot of time here on her own and she’s found her independence, which is something he seems to struggle with.  they had a blazing row where she accused him of wanting everyone at his beck and call all weekend, that he’s not the only one who works all week, and that we’re not all going to just drop everything we’re doing because he’s turned up home when we’ve been here all week.  i have no idea what’s going to happen there, it just makes me sad when my mum isn’t happy.  i know what she would tell me if i was unhappy in a relationship but when you have three kids and thirty years of marriage behind you it’s more difficult to walk away from.

it’s also been a weird week in work.  we had a patient who was 46, and dying from a really rare type of tumour that we’d never heard of.  there was some confusion at first because the tumour was in her breast, so we assumed it was breast cancer, but it wasn’t.  anyway, about three to four weeks ago she had three rings which she begged me to cut off as her hands were so oedematous the rings were cutting off her circulation.  i put them in a plastic specimen bag and locked them in her medicine locker, and didn’t think anything of them.  off i went on holiday, only to come back to murder on the ward because the rings had gone missing.  long story short, we had the whole ward up looking for them, and they were nowhere to be found.  yesterday i had a call from her daughter, kicking off over the phone, telling me her mother had died that morning and the rings are all she’s got left of her etc.  i felt responsible because i was the one who’d cut them off, albeit at her request.  so, come the afternoon, i had a new lady in one of my rooms, went to lock her medication away, and there in the draw was a specimen bag……. with the rings in!  i genuinely couldn’t believe it, i have no idea where they had been because kerry and i had both looked in all the lockers on the ward and there were no rings to be found.  very spooky that they should turn up on the day she passed away.  but obviously a good result for the family to have them back, as my patient was telling my about the sentiment behind each one when i was cutting them off.

then there’s john.  what a sweetheart.  i’m so in love with this boy.  his mum was away last week so i stayed there all week more or less, obviously we were both working and things but i spent the evenings.  it freaked me out a little that i don’t feel like i need space from this boy.  usually we don’t see each other every night, i work lates, he’s working long days to cover holidays, we have friends and family and other commitments.  however, last week was lovely.  i think i’m just used to being in a relationship with someone who does a lot of things that drive me mad, and i get to the point where i need a break from them.  i just don’t have that feeling with john.  i always look forward to seeing him. i think it’s refreshing that i’m not the one always running round after him, he’s quite happy to come here, or for me to go to his, so it’s not all one sided.  i dunno, all i know is it’s been two months, it feels like it’s flown, it feels natural, it’s good fun, it’s a complete revelation to me that this is what a relationship can be like.  i’m absolutely making the most of every minute of it!

xx