Time waster

Well, dan is obviously devastated about our break up, he’s back online dating already and ‘actively seeking a relationship’.

I know I was on there too, I was just having a gander to see if there’s abyone about who I felt I might like the look of, and if there was then I’d consider rejoining. I happened to have a funny feeling the week before we broke up that he was up to no good and so had a look on the dating site and sure enough, brand new profile of his, with a different name and pic to the one he had used when he met me, and this is the one he’s now using. He was obviously lining it up cos he’d decided he didn’t want to be with me.

I’ve been dating for 13 years. And all these dalliances/relationships have ended in disaster in one way or another. I know I’m an eternal optimist, and i definitely want to meet a guy and live happily ever after, or some grown up, realistic version of that. But right now all I can wonder is is it me? Is it something I’m doing that means I’m the one who always ends up sitting at the sidelines?

My mum said I need to start practicing the adage treat them mean keep them keen, and be more unavailable. But I’m not really a game player and I’d probably do myself out of a nice relationship with a nice boy by being flaky or something.

I know if I ever meet my guy, all this crap will be worth it and I’ll appreciate it so much more. But right now, all I have is the fear that it’ll never happen for me, the fear that I’ll always be Aunty jo to my friend’s kids, and as much as I love grace to death, and I know I will the one she’s cooking up, I don’t want to be just Aunty jo forever. That’s actually all Jenna’s fault really. As soon as her mum threw tiny baby grace at me, 12 hours old, and she snuggled into my shoulder and started making little snuffly kitten noises, my biological clock started ticking, and at double time at that!

I suppose that’s what’s keeping me going. If I want it to happen I have to be proactive to an extent. Nobody gets anything they want by just sitting and waiting for it to come to them.

Xx